Killer Barbys

Jesús Franco's late work Killer Barbys is a mixed bag to me - it got some real good fun gore and horror scenes and some schlocky, sexy fun too, but there are, sadly, some rather lengthy and boring parts too, that weaken the experience rather considerably. Anyway, Killer Barbys is still recommendable to the die-hard connoisseur of Jesús Franco's oeuvre, who just craves for new junk food, but if you are new to his work I would recommend rather other movies to enter the maestro's wonderland of trash, cheese and schlock: Count Dracula, Vampyros Lesbos, Bloody Moon, and Venus in Furs are good movies to begin your journey. Exact rate: 3.5.

The rock band Killer Barbies is on tour across Spain when their van breaks down. They are invited by a dark stranger into a dark castle with a dark secret: the countess reached the age of Methusalem by drinking blood of young people. Such as... yes, rock band members. "Killer Barbys" suffers from the problems you could easily predict for a movie that is basically a mere promotion support for a band: poor acting (Aldo Sanbrell is the only exception), low budget, same old story. But it is clearly better than its sequel "Killer Barbies vs Dracula" in the whole atmosphere. The foggy castle is full of strange props like dolls without eyes, clocks, bones, barred windows... spooky! So, if you don't mind the silliness, gore and nudity, it's a "good bad flick". I dare say it even was the beginning of Jess Franco's return in the 90s when he seemed to fade away into oblivion.

Perhaps the worst dubbing in history, this movie features many scenes with characters' lips still moving long after the dubbed track had already spoken. It was very frustrating. On top of that, the entire movie made little sense. It was completely disjointed. The filmmakers tried to weird it up by having a couple of psychotic midgets thrown into the mix, but the result was just pathetic. There are countless scenes where bandmembers (Killer Barbys are a real band) are having sex in a van, and the baddies are hovering around, opening doors, stealing things, placing objects, yet are never even so much as noticed by the lovemakers. There are equally moronic scenes of the baddies chasing after a naked woman in the woods. She looks like she is running in slowmotion and has to keep waiting for her pursuers to catch up. Then there is some subplot involving some ancient vampiress who must drink young blood to regain her youth, yet when she does, she becomes some 65-year old had been! She is supposed to be this beauty who seduces the lead singer, yet she is easily old enough to be his grandmother!

They tried to throw in a few corpses to add to the horror, yet they were so obviously rubber it was ridiculous. One of the henchmen carries one through the castle, and you can repeatedly see him bang it against walls only to have it snap back into shape.

There are A-movie, B-movies, and then there are Killer Barby movies. This one is so bad, it doesn't even deserve a letter from the alphabet. Call it a double-Z.

The Legendary Spanish director Jess Franco is known for some fantastic cinema, alas this certainly isn't among them and will be a blotch on his record.

It follows a female fronted rock band as they break down on route to their next gig and get invited into a foreboding looking castle for the night.

Essentially our antagonist is a blatant ripoff of the Countess Elizabeth Báthory with a couple of human minions who help her acquire the blood of the young (Virgins not required in this instance)

Though advertised as a horror this is a very camp attempt and more like a comedy. One character in particular played by Santiago Segura (Blade 1998) is so over the top and so zany any hope of the film being taken seriously went out the window.

The movie has a decent lead and memorable soundtrack though they really should have considered writing more songs and not playing the same one on a loop.

The Good:

Great leading lady

The Bad:

Looks very dated

Not exactly a horror

Soundtrack gets repetitive

Dumbest ending in cinema history? Definite contender

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Before throwing a naked woman out a window to her death it's only polite to put a nightie on her first

In KILLER BARBYS, the rock band of the same name -led by Flavia (Sylvia Superstar)- happen upon a remote castle after their vehicle breaks down.

Said castle is the home of an ancient Countess (Mariangela Giordano) who happens to be a vampire, and she's very thirsty! It's not long before our heroes are being killed off by The Countess' henchman and his eeevil dwarfs!

KILLER BARBYS is another wonky, erotic spook-fest from Director Jess Franco. It contains the requisite gore, nudity, and a semi-cohesive story line.

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The Countess! She's hot, ruthless, and downright animalistic!

Gorehounds will want to stick around for the death-by-steamroller denouement...