Jim Belushi credited as playing...
Mall Santa
- Howard Langston: You know what you guys are? Nothing but a bunch of sleazy conmen in red suits.
- Mall Santa: What did you call us?
- Howard Langston: You heard me right. Conmen, thieves, degenerates, lowlifes, thugs, criminals!
- Mall Santa: In the North Pole, them are fighting words, partner. Put 'em up!
- Mall Santa: Hey. Psst. Buddy, come here. Come here. You want a Turbo Man for Christmas?
- Howard Langston: Forget it, I'm not gonna sit on your lap.
- Mall Santa: Hey, chief, that's not my bag... Get it? Ha! Well, you know little boy, with your attitude, I don't think I want to give you access to this. Tony, show him.
- Tony the Elf: [Tony the Elf hold up a Polaroid photograph of him holding a Turboman doll and newspaper article] That was taken this morning.
- Howard Langston: How do I know this isn't some kind of a scam?
- Mall Santa: Forget it, Tony, this guy doesn't want our help.
- Howard Langston: Whoa, wait a minute, guys. We're all businessmen. I'm sure we can work out some sort of an agreement.
- Mall Santa: [the Mall Santa pulls Howard closer] You got the cash, we got the doll.
- [Howard tries to grab the doll]
- Mall Santa: [Santa stops him] Ah! That'll be three hundred.
- Howard Langston: Dollars?
- Mall Santa: No, chocolate kisses; yes, dollars!
- Howard Langston: I can't believe this, whatever happened to your lofty ideas huh? I though you're doing all this for the kids.
- Mall Santa: Well sure, but I don't see why we can't pick up a little loose change in the process.
- Howard Langston: I gotta tell you, Santa, there's something about this place that doesn't seem quite... Kosher.
- Mall Santa: Kosher? This coming from a guy who assaulted a toddler for a super ball?
- Mall Santa: We're not just doing this for us. We're doing it for the kids. For every kid who ever sat on Santa's lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a package Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys. It breaks my heart.
- Howard Langston: You know what you guys are? Nothing but a bunch of sleazy con men in red suits.
- Mall Santa: [offended] what did you call us?
- Howard Langston: You heard me right-- con men, thieves, degenerates, low lifes, thugs, criminals!