Martin Mull credited as playing...
D.J.
- DJ: [as Howard tries to break into the radio station; he calls the cops] Yeah, I've got a mad man in my studio and...
- [Howard breaks the glass door and charges inside]
- DJ: HELP ME!
- Howard Langston: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
- DJ: What?
- Howard Langston: See, I couldn't get through on the phone. Did I win?
- [Howard hugs the DJ]
- DJ: Oh no, it's not that simple!
- DJ: No! Wait, wait!
- [Myron comes into the radio room]
- Howard Langston: You're too late! I already got the the right answer! I won! Ha ha! Yeah!
- Myron Larabee: I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!
- [Myron pulls out a package]
- Howard Langston: Now what's that?
- Myron Larabee: This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!
- Howard Langston: A bomb?
- Myron Larabee: Yes, in layman's terms, a bomb! So back up!
- Howard Langston: You built a bomb?
- Myron Larabee: No, I didn't build a bomb! Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day! I just kept one in case I ever needed it! So give me the doll, or I'll blow up everybody in this place!
- Howard Langston: Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away!
- DJ: Excuse me, gentlemen, are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?
- Howard Langston: Yes.
- Myron Larabee: That's what you said on the radio.
- DJ: Oh, no.
- Myron Larabee: Yes it is.
- DJ: No, no, no! What I actually said was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. See...
- [chuckles]
- DJ: What we have here... is a gift certificate.
- Howard Langston, Myron Larabee: A gift certificate?
- DJ: Right.
- Caller: [the objective is to correctly name all eight of Santa's reindeer to eventually win a Turbo Man doll] Um, Randy, Jermaine, uh, Tito...
- DJ: Nope, not even close. Sorry. But perhaps this song will put us all in the mood to get this thing right.
- Myron Larabee: Did you call me buddy?
- Howard Langston: Yeah.
- Myron Larabee: [shouting] I am not your buddy! I tried to be your team mate, I wanted to be your friend, but noooooooooo, you had other other plans for Myron Larabee!
- Howard Langston: No, I had no plans.
- Myron Larabee: You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common, letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!
- [the DJ is chortling muffledly]
- Myron Larabee: Are you laughing at me?
- DJ: Huh? Oh, no! Lord no! Not at all!
- Myron Larabee: Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you, I know your kind. You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my jeep, don't you?
- DJ: No, not true! I recycle!
- Howard Langston: Shut up!
- Myron Larabee: That's right, shut up!
- Howard Langston: [triumphantly to Myron] You're too late. I've already got the right answer; I won! Yeah!
- Myron Larabee: I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!
- [Pulls out a package]
- Howard Langston: And what's that?
- Myron Larabee: This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!
- Howard Langston: [in disbelief] A bomb?
- DJ: [gasps] Good lordy...
- Myron Larabee: Yes, in layman terms, a bomb! So back up!
- Howard Langston: You built a bomb?
- Myron Larabee: No, I didn't have to build a bomb. Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day. I just kept one in case I ever needed it.
- [to radio DJ]
- Myron Larabee: So give me the doll, or I'm going to blow up everybody in this place!
- Howard Langston: Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away! This is not worth it!
- Myron Larabee: Well, maybe not to you, but to me it is. So back up! Back up!
- Howard Langston: Myron! Come on, old buddy. Give me the package, all right? Come on.
- Myron Larabee: Did you call me "buddy?"
- Howard Langston: Yeah.
- Myron Larabee: I am not your buddy! I tried to be your teammate! I wanted to be your friend! But nooooooooo! You had other plans for Myron Larabee!
- Howard Langston: No, I had no plans.
- Myron Larabee: You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!
- [the radio DJ is stifling his laughter at this]
- Myron Larabee: Are you laughing at me?
- DJ: Huh? Oh no. Lord no. No, not at all.
- Myron Larabee: Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you! I know your kind! You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my Jeep, don't you?
- DJ: No, not true! I recycle!
- Howard Langston: Shut up!
- Myron Larabee: That's right! Shut up! Why do you think the window is there? So I can just put the mail in there! But you act like everything's okay! "Hey Mr. Mailman" like I have no feelings of my own!
- [He throws the package]
- Howard Langston: Hit the deck!
- DJ: Oh.
- Myron Larabee: [the package is really a music box] look I'm sorry, I've been under pressure since this ZIP+4 thing.
- Howard Langston: You twisted...
- Myron Larabee: Don't hit me! I've got sickle cell! Don't hit me!
- DJ: Excuse me, gentlemen, Are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?
- Howard Langston: Yes.
- Myron Larabee: That's what you said on the radio.
- DJ: Oh, no. No, no. No, no, no, no. What I actually said, was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. You see what we have here--ha! Oh! Is a gift certificate.
- Howard Langston, Myron Larabee: A gift certificate?
- DJ: Right. As soon as they get some dolls in the stores...
- [Police sirens are heard outside]
- Howard Langston: Did you call the cops?
- DJ: [smiling sheepishly] Yeah, kinda.
- Myron Larabee: Let's get outta here, but I'm going FIRST, buddy!