Brian Levinson: Michael

Matilda

Michael

[after listing prices of cars bought and sold]
Harry Wormwood: What was my profit for the day?
Mikey: Could you repeat the last one?
Matilda: [interrupting] $10,265.
[long pause]
Matilda: Check it if you don't believe me.
Harry Wormwood: [he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda] You're a little cheat, you saw the paper.
Matilda: From all the way over here?
Harry Wormwood: [suspicious] Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished.
Matilda: Punished for being smart?
Harry Wormwood: For being a smart aleck! When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!
Matilda: Person?
Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up...
Narrator: Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.

Michael: Give me the cookies.
Zinnia Wormwood: [hands Michael the cookies] Here.
Harry Wormwood: [Harry walks down to the kitchen, unaware that his hair has just turned an unhealthy platinum blonde] Okay, my boy, heir to the throne, today we diddle the customer.
Michael: [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]
Harry Wormwood: What's wrong with you? What are you looking at?
Harry Wormwood: [to Zinnia] Lovekins, where's my breakfast?
Zinnia Wormwood: [picks up two bowls of cereal] Here we are, my heartstrings!
Zinnia Wormwood: [turns and sees Harry's hair] AAAIIGHHH!
Zinnia Wormwood: [tosses the cereal in the air] Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair?
Harry Wormwood: [suspiciously] My hair?
Harry Wormwood: [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] AAAAAAAHHHH!

Mr. Wormwood: I'm great! I'm incredible! Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen.
Mrs. Wormwood: Did we sell some cars today, honeydew?
Mr. Wormwood: [grins] Did we!
[kisses her]
Mrs. Wormwood: Does that mean I can get that new TV?
Mr. Wormwood: Yeah.
[turns to Michael]
Mr. Wormwood: Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. It's time you learned the family business. Sit down. Write this down. All right. The first car your brilliant father sold cost $320. I sold it for $1,158. The second one cost $512. I sold it for $2,269.
Michael: Wait, Dad, you're going too fast.
Mr. Wormwood: Just write. The 3rd cost $68. I sold it for $999. And the 4th cost $1,100. I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's.
Mrs. Wormwood: Oh, Harry!
[kisses him]
Mr. Wormwood: [turns to Michael] What was my profit for the day?
Michael: Could you repeat the last one?

Michael: Hey, dip face. Where are you going?
Matilda: Out.
Michael: Hey, dip face. Have carrot.
[throws carrot from the spoon. Matilda turns around and carrot is facing her. With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. She laughs. Michael chokes the carrot]
Mr. Wormwood: Chew your food; you're an animal!

Michael: [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] Hey, Dip face. Have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, Dip face. Dip face!
[door closes]

Mrs. Wormwood: [as the TV explodes, due to Matilda's powers] AAHHH! AAAHH! AAAHH! AAAHH! AAAAAHHHHH!
Matilda: [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] I didn't do it.
Mr. Wormwood: Of course you didn't do it, you little twit!
Mrs. Wormwood: I told you that was a cheap set.
Mr. Wormwood: It's not a cheap set, it's a stolen set!
[destroyed set fizzled a little more]
Mr. Wormwood: Whoa!
Mr. Wormwood: [to Michael] Put your light on.
Michael: [switches on his lamp] Bummer.
Narrator: Was it magic? Or just a coincidence? She didn't know. It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Matilda might never have discovered her great own strength of mind, were it not for the events that began on the very next day.