Frank Oz credited as playing...
Miss Piggy • Fozzie Bear • Sam the Eagle • Animal
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [during roll call] Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby Eating-O'Brien?
- Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Faced-Baby-Eating O'Brien: [a beautiful woman with a deep voice] Aye.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [he and officers stand aghast for a moment] Oh.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [continuing the role call] Angel Marie?
- Angel Marie: [an ugly creature] Aye! Aye!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen! so who hired them?
- [Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?
- Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
- [Holds finger to ear]
- Squire Trelawney: What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
- Squire Trelawney: Exactly!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
- Mr. Samuel Erroll: Mm-hmm...
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
- Benjamina Gunn: Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
- Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: I was just paraphrasing.
- Jim Hawkins: Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
- Gonzo: Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
- Squire Trelawney: Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
- Rizzo: Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
- [Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]
- Benjamina Gunn: Going somewhere, John-John?
- Long John Silver: Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
- Rizzo: You know, the ocean? The big blue wet thing?
- Squire Trelawney: Ohh right! The big blue wet thing!
- Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
- Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
- Squire Trelawney: Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
- Jim Hawkins: Really?
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
- [pause]
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
- [puts finger to his ear]
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, thank you... twice.
- Rizzo: I smell a bozo.
- Benjamina Gunn: Smolly, can it be you?
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Benjamina.
- Benjamina Gunn: Hi-yah!
- [Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
- Long John Silver: Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.
- Benjamina Gunn: Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Oh, no! Him too?
- Benjamina Gunn: Well, if you'd married me...!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Well, what does that have to do with it?
- Benjamina Gunn: I'm a pig! I need commitment!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Commitment?
- [They begin to bicker madly]
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
- Sweetums: Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!
- Captain Abraham Smollett, Mr. Samuel Erroll: Oh.
- Sweetums: Bwa ha ha...
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: I was anticipating your whim, sir.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: Captain Smollet, I have most distressing news. One of the jolly boats is missing and I know for a fact that it was terribly unsafe.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: By the way, that Silver fellow, may not be trustworthy.
- Rizzo: [to Gonzo] Ha ha. Now he tells us.
- [When Long John and the pirates threaten to kill Capt. Smollet/Kermit, Benjamina Gunn/Miss Piggy finally reveals where the treasure is]
- Benjamina Gunn: Stoooooooooppp! Stop stop stop stop!
- [casual tone]
- Benjamina Gunn: The treasure's at my place! North trail spin little hut with the pink lawn furniture, you can't miss it!
- [impressively]
- Benjamina Gunn: Now free him at once, you scoundrel!