Santa with Muscles

This movie is so bad, it's actually considered cruel and unusual punishment under the U.S. Constitution. I wish I was exaggerating. If you want a Christmas movie, go watch Miracle on 34th Street or something. Just stay far, far, FAR, I can't emphasise this enough, FAR AWAY from this horrifyingly bad film. You've heard the phrase "So bad, it's funny"? Well, this transcends "So bad, it's funny" and ends up just being horrible.

One word: FORGETTABLE! That's it! Its best use is a substitute for a lump of coal in your stocking! Angry Johnny would thank Santa for it, and because he's been a naughty boy all his life! Don't let this be next year's X-mas present under your tree!!!

I am sure most of the posters here are not wrestling fans. Therefore, I will clue you in on a couple of things. Hulk Hogan is an ego maniacal jackass that demands creative control over anything he is involved in.

This movie might not have been a classic when it was first written, but I will be fair and say it had average potential(a rating of 5). The movie probably had a different title at first until......Hulkamania arrived.

Hulk Hogan has this remarkable ability to turn something good or average into unwatchable garbage. Original title may have been "When Santa got Rich" or "Santa CEO" or something slightly stupid. Hogan looks at the title and says "no way brother, my fans don't know nothing about no CEO(the first true words to come out of the mouth of the Hulkster in twenty years). So he called it "Santa with Muscles" because no project involving Hogan is allowed to go 5 seconds without referring to the "24 inch pythons" After adding scenes where blow up candy canes are used by Hogan with results comparable to the bomb dropped on Hiroshima, Hogan finally has gotten his wish. He ruined what might have been an enjoyable movie experience for two year olds and those who are "mentally challenged" or retards as Hogan's faithful redneck fans may call them.

I am not surprised at how bad this film turned out. Wrestling fans with half a brain have hated Hogan for years. He exercises creative control when he is told that he is going to lose and this ends up boring anyone with a below average iq on up to tears. Hogan may have turned wrestling into a million dollar industry with a lot of help from the master marketing machine named Vince Mcmahon. Many good people sacrificed their wrestling careers by falling prey to Hogan's trademark "leg drop of doom" and now some poor director is probably living under a bridge in Los Angeles damning the day he got involved with Hulk Hogan. Hogan may have helped turn wrestling into mainstream entertainment, but he also singlehandedly destroyed the same industry(his tired act help put WCW into the ground) he helped build by never learning more than three moves. Punch, back scratch, high boot and leg drop. Oops that is four moves. Some things never change. In the ring the bad guy always loses to Hulk via leg drop. In the movies, Hogan expands his creative horizons by having the bad guy lose via Plastic candy Kane.

"Santa With Muscles" is an absolutely appalling film. It stars WCW wrestler Hulk Hogan who after getting amnesia thinks he is Santa Claus (like a grown man actually believes in Santa whether he has amnesia or not). He then goes onto beating the bad guys in typically corny Hulk Hogan fashion. I give it a 1/10 and that is being generous.

The problem with Hulk Hogan as an actor is that, while he's not Brando, he has his moments where he's okay. That said, all he seems to lend his name to is rubbish children's movies. The only serious thing he seems to have done is Rocky III (you be the judge of how serious that is). This is the ultimate example of that children's movie crap. Hogan is a wealthy man who loses his memory and somehow thinks he is Santa. He is taken in by an orphanage, who are trying to stop some villain doing something. Seriously, that's how forgettable this film is. The acting is poor. Hulk manages to lay some cool smackdown, but then again, so does Jean Claude. The children are all that breed of little goof ball's trying to be cute. Ed Begley Jr is just unnecessary. Many people have a real hatred towards Christmas movies. Of course, they can't all be Bad Santa, the Santa Clause, The Nightmare Before Christmas or the all time great, It's A Wonderful Life. But this is just lazy. Considering Hogan's potential for cool, violent films, this just wastes the most awesome wrestler ever. Just like everything else. I can't give it a one, but it's certainly not worth a passing grade. It's just dosh.