Matthew Lillard credited as playing...
Stuart
- Stu: Did you really call the police?
- Sidney Prescott: You bet your sorry ass I did.
- Stu: [starting to cry] My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!
- Randy: There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex.
- [crowd boos]
- Randy: BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs.
- [crowd cheers and raises their bottles]
- Randy: The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back.
- Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
- Randy: Yeah, sure.
- Stu: I'll be right back.
- [crowd cheers]
- Randy: See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.
- Stu: Shit...
- Billy: What?
- Stu: Oh, shit.
- Billy: [They go into the kitchen to find Sidney and Mr. Prescott gone] Where are they? Where are they?
- Stu: I don't know, Billy, but I'm hurtin', man!
- [the phone rings]
- Stu: Should I let the machine get it?
- Billy: [answers it] Hello?
- Sidney Prescott: Are you alone in the house?
- Billy: Bitch! You bitch, where the fuck are you?
- Sidney Prescott: Not so fast, we're going to play a little game. It's called: Guess who just called the police and reported your sorry motherfucking ass!
- [Stu is slowly collapsing to the floor]
- Billy: Find her, you dipshit! Get up!
- Stu: I can't, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man!
- [Billy gives Stu the phone]
- Billy: [whispers] Talk to her. Talk to her.
- Stu: Hello?
- Sidney Prescott: Ah, Stu, Stu, Stu... What's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?
- Stu: Peer pressure. I'm far too sensitive.
- [Billy takes the phone back]
- Billy: I'm going to rip you up, bitch, just like your fucking mother!
- Sidney Prescott: You've gotta find me first, you pansy-ass momma's boy!
- Billy: Fuck!
- [He accidentally hits Stu with the phone]
- Stu: Ow! You fuckin' hit me with the phone, dick!
- Sidney Prescott: Why? Why did you kill my mother?
- Billy: Why? WHY! You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive.
- [Stu Chortles]
- Billy: Well, I don't really believe in motives, Sid. I mean did Norman Bates have a motive?
- Stu: No.
- Billy: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter like to eat people? DON'T THINK SO! See, it's a lot more scarier when there's no motive, Sid. We did your Mom a favour, Sid. That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or somethin'.
- Stu: Yeah, we put her out of her misery, 'cause let's face Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone, hmm?
- Billy: Is that motive enough for you? How about this? Your slut mother was fucking my father, and she's the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me.
- [Sid looks astonished]
- Billy: How's that for a motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior. It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.
- Stu: That's right. You gave it up. Now, you're no longer a virgin. You're not a virgin. Now you got to die. Those are the rules.
- Billy: So, this game is like a scary movie, Sid. How do you think it's going to end?
- Stu: Oh, this is the greatest fun. You're going to love this. We got a surprise for you, Sidney. Yeah, you're going to love this one. It's a scream, baby. Hold a second, be right back.
- Sidney Prescott: How do you - gut someone?
- Stu: You take a knife and you slit 'em from groin to sternum.
- Billy: Hey. It's called tact, you fuck-rag.
- Stu: Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.
- Tatum: That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female. Basic Instinct.
- Randy: That was an ice pick. Not exactly the same thing.
- Stu: Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. Takes a man to do something like that.
- Tatum: Or a man's mentality.
- Stu: I didn't kill anybody.
- Billy: Nobody said you did.
- Stu: Thanks, buddy!
- Randy: Besides... "Takes a MAN to do something like that!"
- Stu: I ought to gut your ass in a second, kid.
- Randy: [using Jerry Lewis' voice] Tell me something. Did you really put her liver in the mailbox? Because I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and her pancreas.
- [a student dressed as the Ghostface killer is running down the halls screaming]
- Sidney Prescott: Why are they doing this?
- Stu: Look at this place, it's like Christmas!
- Tatum: [to Stu] Stupidity leak!
- [Sidney and Stu fight near the television, which shows the film "Halloween"]
- Stu: [smiles viciously] I always had a thing for ya, Sid!
- [Sidney bites Stu's hand]
- Stu: [screams painfully] Ohhhhh, God! Bitch!
- [Stu lets go of Sidney. Sidney grabs a vase and breaks it on Stu's head. While he is stunned, Sidney stands and rushes to the television]
- Sidney Prescott: In your dreams!
- [Sidney shoves the television on Stu's head. The last thing he sees is Jamie Lee Curtis on the screen. The television breaks and Stu is electrocuted to death]