Snowboard Academy

I thought previously I had seen the worst comedy of all time when I endured Going Overboard. Now I'm not so sure.

This movie has a storyline and script so inane it may cause you mental anguish. If you suffer from depression I urge you to avoid this like the plague as it's just possible it could send you over the edge. It's a comedy with no funny bits. In fact the writers come up with the woeful idea of a resort comedian whose act is completely unfunny. If there's one thing a comedy this bad doesn't need, it's an intentionally unfunny character. The unfunny comedian is portrayed by Jim Varney in a toe-curlingly horrible performance; although it's just possible that Varney is outdone by John Ross, who plays an uptight scheming skier in a performance that is so atrocious it's an instrument of evil. You know a movie is in trouble when the best acting comes courtesy of Brigitte Neilson and Corey Haim.

If you are a snowboarder or a skier I implore you to avoid the temptation of watching this atrocity. It is not a good advert for winter sports.

Me and my friends have a bad movie night and this is why I have seen this dreck. So as a public service I feel duty bound to warn other people to avoid this rubbish. I've watched it so you don't have to. If you absolutely have to watch this be warned that you will have more fun setting fire to your genitals.

What is this movie even about? I seriously don't get how this can be a feature film. It's just a bunch of people in a ski resort doing, well, the kind of things skiers do. Sure there is some kind of plot about snowboards not being allowed on the ski hill, but seriously, this came out in 1996, by then, snowboarders were in every resort I ever went to. The main plot line concerns a non-issue and the sub plots don't amount to anything either. I just dot understand, who thought this could be a movie?

There are some attempts at comedy but that falls short too as well as most of the acting, the dialog and the characters. It's like a home movie from someones sub par ski vacation. Why anyone except for the makers would want to see that is a mystery to me.

"Snowboard Academy", allegedly a comedy, is not funny. I don't mean, not "ha-ha" funny; I don't mean, not funny to certain sensibilities; I just mean plain, flat-out, empirically not funny. Jokes fall flatter than week-old cola. Actors soldier onward mindlessly -- I would call their performances workmanlike, but that would be insulting to workmen. We're talking a major step down from the Ernest flicks here. Even the snowboard stunts are lame and repetitive. Don't expect to see progressive technical riding here; just look for backflip after backflip. This movie is an insult to the intelligence of all who see it.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where, after about 30 minutes, you realize that you really, really wish that the capable actors in it were in something a bit better written? This is one of those movies. Now, actors like Varney, Haim, and Nielsen are usually not given much in the way of regard but each is capable of a decent performance in a decent movie. We're not talking DeNiro or Kidman here, just actors capable of doing a decent job. Sadly, they get cast in utter crap like this. If you're a die-hard fan of these actors, it might be worth watching. If not, carefully put the video box down and back away slowly.

Matt

This is essentially a slapstick farce in the vein of POLICE ACADEMY (they were all popular around then weren't they?) only it was made in 1996 and seems like a film from the '80s (that's how cheap the quality of the film is). It stars Corey Haim and Jim "Ernest" Varney (R.I.P.) but isn't funny at all, with revoltingly bad performances and "jokes." It's stupid, crude, unfunny and downright hard to watch at times. Saw it years ago on HBO, and don't plan to ever again.

This is the sort of movie that you wish could be burned. The plot (if there is one) is basically just a lot of chaos at a snowboard academy in the middle of nowhere - sort of like OUT COLD meets POLICE ACADEMY meets something else that's really dumb.

Don't bother. Please.