Dan Ferro credited as playing...
Spc. Tony Morales
- Bilko: Hello, soldiers.
- [they look around]
- Bilko: I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are, really, soldiers. Every last one you with a couple of exceptions.
- Paparelli: [whispering] He's got a plan.
- Fender: [whispering] He sure does.
- Bilko: I'm going to tell you a little story. There once was a little boy, and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophistocated, illegal gaming operations the United States Army has ever seen.
- Zimmerman: [whispering] He's not worried.
- Morales: [whispering] Not a bit.
- Bilko: And that little boy's dream came true... but now,they're trying to snatch that dream *back* from him.
- Zimmerman: [whispering] He's worried.
- Morales: [whispering] It's not good.
- Bilko: But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko? K-O! Of course the first few letters are B-I-L, which is meaningless. But still, am I giving up? No! Never! Well kind of, but not really, because there is *no way* I'm going to Greenland. Well, you are probably wondering if I have a plan. Well, of course I have a plan! A P-L-A-N - plan!
- [spells "PALN" on the chalkboard]
- Bilko: But, ha ha ha.
- [begins crying]
- Paparelli: [whispering] He's got no plan.
- Morales: [whispering] We're screwed.
- Wally: I have a plan, Sarge.
- Bilko: But maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need,
- [gets down on knees]
- Bilko: is just a little puppy.
- [crying and interacting with an imaginary puppy]
- Bilko: A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.