Alex McKenna credited as playing...
Petunia Stupid
- Buster Stupid: What if we formed our own army?
- Petunia Stupid: Then we'd have to form our own country.
- Joan Stupid: We could call it Stupidia.
- Stanley Stupid: I'm stuck, I'm caught, I'm trapped! Somebody help me out here!
- Petunia Stupid: I'm cornered!
- Stanley Stupid: That's it, I'm cornered! That's the word I'm looking for.
- Glamorous Actress: Some people think it's easy being a celebrity, but when they canceled my series "Malibu Beach Detective", I was just absolutely devastated.
- [the "Applause" sign comes on and the audience applauds]
- Late Night Show Host: Well, I'm sure everyone is very sympathetic for you. You've put so much work into such a fine series to have it taken off the air.
- Glamorous Actress: As an artist, I was truly crushed.
- [the "Applause" sign comes on again and the audience applauds]
- Glamorous Actress: It was the most awful, shocking, heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me!
- [backstage, Petunia is unkowingly flipping the switch that turns the "Applause" sign on and off]
- Petunia Stupid: Mom, I can't get this light switch to work.
- Joan Stupid: Just a moment dear.
- [she writes "Give it to the fat guy" on a blank cue card]
- Joan Stupid: Now, let's take a look.
- [she fiddles with the switch and the sign comes on, with audience applauding]
- Glamorous Actress: Well, maybe you'd all be happier if there was no primetime television.
- [Joan fiddles with the switch some more; the audience keeps applauding]
- TV Director: What's going on?
- Glamorous Actress: You could spend every night reading books together.
- [Joan flips the switch; the audience applauds; the Glamourous Actress leaves]
- Late Night Show Host: Well, my next guest is a world-class French chef, so stay tuned, everyone, and let's...
- [reads from cue card which is actually a reminder note from Joan Stupid]
- Late Night Show Host: Give it to the fat guy!
- French Chef: Fat? Fat? Moi, fat?
- [yells in French]
- French Chef: [he starts shaking the host around while Joan flips the switch one last time and the audience applauds]