Dead Men Can't Dance

"Dead Men Can't Dance" is a film that relies heavily on other films, interweaving plot conflicts and cliches that we've seen a million times before into one motion picture. However, the ones they use to combine work nicely: A small all-women platoon fights its way through Vietnam, trying to figure out which among them are spies and which in the government are the villians working alongside the enemy. Sure, we've seen it all before, but in order for a film like this to work, it must take the cliches seriously and make sure they flow and interlap smoothly. This film does that, and it knows how to make them work. After all, this is a movie trying to be an action flick, not a serious approach to the Vietnam War.

The cast is generally good- Michael Biehn, Mark Edward Anderson, and Adrian Paul stand out as the men trying to lead the women to victory, and most of the women, played by a bunch of unknowns, are well played. Its almost as if all the actors know that their characters are paper-thin and designed to be cardboard cutouts, and they choose to have fun with it. This factor helps tremendously.

However, despite these pluses, the film as a whole is extremely poor. The camera work is shoddy, and the production values are terrible. It looks as if it was filmed with a cam corder most of the time, and the synthesizer music only adds to its cheeziness. Some directors can hide a low budget (1993's "Fortress" is a good example). This guy, however, cannot. The results are an impressive, if overused, plot with lousy details around it. And if you don't have the visuals mastered in war films, you don't have anything.

*1/2 out of ****

This movie was bad. And i usually like the low budget military movies. The only thing that i even half liked about the movie was the knife fight between Michael Bien and Adrian Paul. And it was kinda crappy. You would think with two action movie and tv show veterans like them at least the fight scenes would be better than they were. Ah hell. I could barely sat through the movie once. NEVER AGAIN

I won't say this is the *worst* movie I've ever seen but it comes extremely close.

The heroine - discharged from her military assignment with the CIA - is given a chance to join a co-ed group of Army Rangers trainees by her female Brigadier General commander. Her group goes through such brutal training as having to poop their pants and stand in a pond. Her SERE training consists of having her shirt torn open, getting slapped and being shocked on her clothed thigh with a cattle prod immediately before she is congratulated on her ability to withstand this brief encounter and welcomed as a new Ranger.

For some reason there is an attempt at inserting a love interest in this movie. I really don't know why. Maybe there were plans for nudity which were later abandoned. Probably because there was no interest in seeing any of the actresses nude.

Other than the repeated scenes of the guys playing around with the tampon machine in the co-ed shower - where everyone is always fully clothed - the highlights consist of women in totally unbelievable combat scenes rescuing male soldiers. Wait... I remember some crying... And something about one of the male soldiers betraying his comrades...

Feel lucky if you miss this movie.

Okay, yes, this wasn't exactly a high power movie. My impression is that this was originally considered as an answer to G.I. Jane, but with the star power in a strange side story that really had little to do with the main character, other than adding a love interest and some mental anguish.

The fight scenes are fairly contrived, true. The degree of realism is less than believable. And if you can distract an Army Ranger from his assigned guard duty with a cable hack of "Dirty Dancing", then our military is in serious danger. And, if the military (at the supposed time of the movie) hasn't trained any female Rangers, then where did we get the female drill sergeant that runs them through the training? On the other hand, this is a movie with Michael Biehn and Adrian Paul that didn't get any coverage in movie trailers, and is likely only to be shown on the late late night movie when the regularly scheduled Brian Bosworth movie doesn't show up. If you're a fan of either of these actors, and are only looking for a movie with the two of them, then this isn't so terrible. I got my copy from a used book store, and have to agree that it was the cover that got my attention. Both Biehn and Paul have the best scenes and dialogs out of the cast. (If nothing else, Paul's pick-up line involving "Mr. Happy" is one of his better moments.) It does play shamelessly with bits from other movies, including what appears to be a co-ed shower that almost smacks of the "Starship Troopers" scene.

I would have to say that this isn't the worst movie I've seen. See this movie with an open mind and a willing suspension of disbelief. Or, find yourself a good movie editing system, and remove all other sections of the movie that don't involve Biehn and Paul. It will probably make about the same amount of sense.

You should know that direct-to-DVD movies about the military are going to be full of tired cliché's. This one put just about every single one I can think of in the mix.

Kathleen York has an Oscar nomination for Crash, but it is for the music. Stick to that because we don't need another G.I. Jane. especially one that gets a Ranger badge just for being slapped a couple of times.

Michael Biehn (Aliens, The Terminator) was her love interest and probably the best thing about this flick. At least he appeared to know something about being military.

R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket) made an excellent slimy Senator, and I always enjoy Grace Zabriskie ("Big Love").

I guess there is a good reason I have not seen anything before this that was directed by Stephen Milburn Anderson or written by Paul Sinor. It is not likely that I ever will except by accident.