Eddie Murphy credited as playing...
Dr. John Dolittle
- Rodney: [on telephone] Hey, honey, feeling better?
- Dr. John Dolittle: Who's this?
- Rodney: I'll give you a hint: I'm cute, I'm furry, and I make five hundred babies a year!
- Dr. John Dolittle: Rodney. Get back in your cage.
- Rodney: What's up with that trap behind the fridge? You trying to kill me?
- Dr. John Dolittle: Never mind that. Get your little furry ass back in your cage. Now. I don't want your droppings on... Bye-bye.
- [to security guard]
- Dr. John Dolittle: My son Rodney. Little hairy boy, sleeps in the cage. I have to keep him in the cage because he has hygiene problems.
- Dr. John Dolittle: [John plays rehab counselor to an alcoholic monkey from the circus] ... The problem with your equilibrium might be due to an inner ear infection...
- [the monkey grunts, belches, and produces a small empty bottle]
- Dr. John Dolittle: ... Or it may be due to THIS.
- French Monkey: I'm a social drinker. Ha ha.
- [grunts]
- French Monkey: Very social. Ha ha.
- [belches]
- Dr. John Dolittle: I think you're wasted. Nobody likes a drunk monkey.
- Lucky: What's he doing with that?
- Dr. John Dolittle: You don't want to know.
- Lucky: Just don't let him stick that thing up my... HELLO!
- Rodney: [Rodney's cage is strapped to the top of John's Range-Rover, which is cruising down the highway] ... Come on, Doc! I'm getting whisker-whipped up here! Hey - this is cruel to animals!
- Dr. John Dolittle: One more word, and I'm letting you out! I'll leave you in the wild! With the REAL animals! See how much talk you do when squirrels are kickin' your ass in!
- Rodney: Fine, then I'll just sing!
- [proceeds to sing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In the Wind," way out of tune]
- Rodney: ..."The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind..."
- Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP!
- [turns the radio way up]
- Rodney: [singing] ... This guinea pig is blowin' in the wind!
- Dr. John Dolittle: I can't hear you! I'm groovin'!
- Rodney: ...Why do they call me "guinea pig," anyway? I'm not Italian, and I'm not pork...!
- Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP, I SAID!
- Dr. John Dolittle: ...You're suffering from obsessive-compulsive behavior...
- Compulsive Dog: [bouncing like a pogo stick] Throw the ball!
- Dr. John Dolittle: When you want the ball, think about something else...
- Compulsive Dog: Don't say anything more! Throw the ball!
- Dr. John Dolittle: You need to relax your mind...
- Compulsive Dog: You're the person. You throw the ball. I'm the dog. I get it. Simple as that. I swear, I'll pee on your carpet. Please, please, please, throw the ball. Shut up and throw the ball. Am I alone here? Am I all by myself? Am I in ANOTHER UNIVERSE?
- Lucky: THROW THE DAMN BALL!
- [John resignedly does so]
- Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball...!
- Rodney: [to John] ... You can't save 'em all, Hasselhoff.
- [Lucky is looking out of a car window]
- Lucky: Oh, I'm so dizzy. All I see is line, line, line line.
- Dr. John Dolittle: So look somewhere else.
- Lucky: Okay. Tree, tree, tree tree.
- [after performing CPR on a rat, the rat farts]
- Dr. John Dolittle: He just had gas
- Rat #2: Whoa! you're telling me!
- Lucky: ...Just like his dad wanted, John Dolittle grew up to be a normal and regular guy - you know, miserable.
- Dr. John Dolittle: [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here!
- [the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside]
- Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway!
- Dr. John Dolittle: [to a 26-year-old intern who has summoned him to the hospital at 2 AM to deal with a difficult patient] ... You spend all your time here, right? Probably grab your naps curled up in the break room; Little occasional nookie with one of the interns in the closet. But I have a real life, and I'd appreciate it if you only call me down here when there's a REAL emergency. If one of my patients comes in carrying his own head, call me. If somebody comes in with a bicycle halfway up their ass, call me.
- Dr. John Dolittle: [driving back to San Francisco from his father's home] ... Hi, Sam! I was just on my way into town; I wondered if you might want to get together for a drink or a CAT scan or something.
- Dr. Sam Litvack: John, it's 1:00 in the morning. Can't it wait until dawn?
- 'I Love You' Dog: [John pulls up alongside another car; the huge, sad-looking dog in its passenger-seat gazes over at him] ... *I LOVE YOU.*
- Dr. John Dolittle: ...No it can't, Sam. I have to come over right now.
- Pig: [Various animals are pouring into John's apartment] ... Good evening, Doctor.
- Dr. John Dolittle: ...No. You're gonna have to take your fat ass back out.
- Penguin: Oh, my God. What a zoo.
- Pig: Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.
- Rooster: Where are the chicks? Ooh! I'm cool.
- Pig: [belches] ... Very well-appointed sty.
- Dr. John Dolittle: What's going on? What is all this?
- Owl: I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.
- Lucky: Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.
- Sheep: Our butts hurt.
- Dr. John Dolittle: Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.
- Rodney: Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?
- Dr. John Dolittle: How come I can hear you talking?
- Lucky: I dunno. Maybe you're just weird or something.
- Dr. John Dolittle: Shut up. You're a dog. DOGS CANNOT TALK.
- Lucky: What the hell do you think barking is, an involuntary spasm?
- Tiger: [atop an observatory] ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short...
- [John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats]
- Tiger: ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space!
- Rat #2: [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill.
- Lucky: [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog.
- Tiger: Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.
- Dr. John Dolittle: [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory] Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside...
- [He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate]
- Dr. John Dolittle: ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER.
- Tiger: That's it. I'm jumping.
- Dr. John Dolittle: Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky.
- Lucky: Or just him.
- Tiger: All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.
- Lucky: Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool.
- Tiger: I heard that.
- Dr. John Dolittle: ...Your daughter's turning into a little wise-ass.
- Lisa Dolittle: Worse. She's turning into a little YOU.
- Lisa Dolittle: [John has bought Lisa a fancy new sports car] Oh, my God! John, you didn't!
- Dr. John Dolittle: No, I didn't. The van's around the corner. But don't tell me you don't care about money.
- Maya Dolittle: Grandpa, did Daddy learn how to be bossy from you?
- Archer Dolittle: He certainly didn't learn it from his mother, God rest her soul.
- [John's Range-Rover drives up, with Rodney's cage strapped to the roof]
- Maya Dolittle: Daddy, what's Rodney doing on the roof?
- Dr. John Dolittle: I thought the fresh air would do him good.
- Rodney: Lunatic! Crazy man! Psycho!
- Dr. John Dolittle: [looks at Rodney murderously] ... Daddy, we still got those BB guns I used to play with when I was little?
- Lisa Dolittle: [John has just been talking to an owl when Lisa joins him outside] Oh, my goodness - It's an owl.
- Dr. John Dolittle: Yeah - it's a big, nasty owl. Let's go in.
- Lisa Dolittle: It's beautiful.
- Dr. John Dolittle: They're very dangerous: they can poke your eye out; take your finger off very easily... all of that.
- Maya Dolittle: [Lucky has conned John into taking him to Camp Hawkeye as a pet for Kyla] ... Does he do any tricks?
- Dr. John Dolittle: He does a neat trick with a thermometer that's funny.
- Dr. John Dolittle: ...This should take care of the inflammation. The only problem is, who'll wipe it on for you?
- Goat: Does Brad Pitt need a goat?