John Goodman credited as playing...
Jonesy
- John Hobbes: You take any cop on the force, cream or no, ninety-nine percent of the time they're doing their job, aren't they?
- Jonesy: Ninety-nine five.
- John Hobbes: Point five. So he or she, cream or no, is doing more good out there every day than any lawyer or stockbroker or president of the United States can ever do in their lifetime. Cops are the chosen people.
- Jonesy: [singing] "Ti-ime, is on my side; Yes it is. Ti-ime, is on my side" You like the Stones Hobbes? I bet you didn't, you big Monkee fan pussy.
- John Hobbes: What are we here for? What do we do?
- Jonesy: Bottom line Hobbes: we catch bad guys, that's our job.
- John Hobbes: I don't know. I can't seem to get my mind around it. I got a bad feeling about this.
- Jonesy: Yeah, me too. Somebody is playing with my dick, and it ain't me.
- John Hobbes: Why are we here? Us, humans? I mean there's six billion of us, we're like ants, I mean do we care what ants do, from a moral standpoint?
- Jonesy: No. Maybe if you figure it out, you die, you know from a stroke or a heart attack, you just die, sort of like a promotion.
- John Hobbes: [as Jonesy and Stanton pull up to the cabin] I know you're here.
- [Speaks in ancient Arabic]
- John Hobbes: Haven't you had enough? You made me kill an innocent man, you...
- [begins to cry]
- John Hobbes: murdered by brother, come on out you son of a bitch! How much fun can you have, huh?
- Lt. Stanton: [Comes out] What? Who are you talking to? I didn't do any of that. I'm just one of the guys sent up here to bring you in. Now, drop the gun, I know you have one.
- [Draws his own gun]
- Lt. Stanton: You're making me do this, drop the goddamn gun.
- Jonesy: [Comes out] Do what he says, Hobbes.
- John Hobbes: He's here too?
- [shouts]
- John Hobbes: Lou, Tiff, come on out!
- Lt. Stanton: It's just us.
- John Hobbes: [to Jonesy] Jonesy, you know I didn't do any of this.
- Lt. Stanton: We both like to believe you, Hobbes. But we gotta bring you in.
- Jonesy: Stanton, I'm not sure I can do this.
- Lt. Stanton: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
- Jonesy: If we get rid of him, we drive his car into the lake, end of story. Why are we up here?
- Lt. Stanton: We bring the son of a bitch in, that's why we're up here.If he did it, fine. If he didn't do it, even better. But it's not our job to decide, now drop the goddamn gun.
- Jonesy: Put the goddamn gun down.
- [Hobbes drops his gun]
- Lt. Stanton: [sighs in relief] See, you think of what is gonna happen, then life brings you one more surprise.
- Jonesy: Yeah.
- [Shoots Stanton in the head and reveals that Jonesy is possessed by Azazel]
- Jonesy: Sometimes, it's a big one.