Matthew Perry credited as playing...
Alex
- Isabel Fuentes: Alex, don't do this. There is nothing to say.
- Alex Whitman: Just wait a minute. There might be. This afternoon, I couldn't decide between a Texas burger and a tuna melt, but my life made sense, you know? And now I know exactly want I want, and my life doesn't make any sense. And I was doing fine this afternoon. I was doing great. That was me. It was me then. And now I'm with you and I don't know what happened but somewhere between the tuna melt and your aunt's tamales. I mean, I was actually worried that I'd already met the woman of my dreams at the dry cleaners or something and I was too busy to notice and you show up and I realize that's not true because you're the one. You are everything I never knew I always wanted. I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but I think has something to do with the rest of my life. And I think we should get married right now.
- Isabel Fuentes: Alex, this is Chuy. He's a very good friend of the family.
- Alex Whitman: Chuy, hi. I'm Luke Skywalker.
- Isabel Fuentes: It was a sign, Alex.
- Alex Whitman: Of what?
- Isabel Fuentes: That the baby would be Catholic.
- Alex Whitman: Oh, well, then it's a good thing you weren't stopped in front of an IHOP.
- Alex Whitman: [Isabel tells Alex she's pregnant] But we were only together one night.
- Isabel Fuentes: That's all it took.
- Alex Whitman: And I - I - I used a condom. Lots of 'em.
- Isabel Fuentes: Well, one didn't work.
- Alex Whitman: But that's its job! Its job is to work. Its entire reason for being - is to work.
- Alex Whitman: Wait a minute! You snuck out on me, and I never heard from you again. And now you just show up, tell me you're pregnant, and I'm supposed to know exactly what to do? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't know, exactly, what to do.
- Isabel Fuentes: That's the first good thing you've said all night.
- Alex Whitman: You gamble either way. And you are just pissed that I won on the first pull instead of putting quarters into the wrong machine for the last five years.
- Jeff: Wait! First of all, those were silver dollars, my friend. And that slot machine now owns my house.
- Donna, Construction Secretary: Hey, Alex, there's a woman on line 1. She says she's your wife.
- Jeff: Hey, Donna, the only wife around here is my ex and I am not in.
- Alex Whitman: Ask if I can call her back. Oh, and get her phone number.
- Isabel Fuentes: I pee really fast. I live with five brothers, three cousins, and only one bathroom. Believe me, I can pee faster than anybody in the world.
- Alex Whitman: Really? A gold medallist. This I have to see.
- Dam Policeman Delivering Baby: These contractions are right on top of each other.
- Alex Whitman: Did you hear that? He said these contractions are right on top of each other.
- Isabel Fuentes: I'm not deaf--I'm in labor!
- Jeff: I mean, this makes no sense at all. Why would you marry her... unless you knocked her up?
- Alex Whitman: [pauses]
- Jeff: You knocked her up?
- Alex Whitman: Yes, but that had nothing to do with it!
- Alex Whitman: Isabel, don't jump.
- Isabel Fuentes: I'm not going to kill myself, stupid. But if you come any closer, I'll throw your ass over.
- Isabel Fuentes: No. No quiero oir nada. No quiero que me digas una palabra. Estoy harta de todas tus mentiras. Eso son todo lo que me has dicho. Cobarde.
- Alex Whitman: What does that mean?
- Isabel Fuentes: It means that you are a liar and a coward. That's what it means.
- Alex Whitman: It sounded so much prettier in Spanish.
- Alex Whitman: Where are you going?
- Isabel Fuentes: You're not my favorite person right now.
- Alex Whitman: Yeah, well, you either.
- Alex Whitman: I swear to God if anything else goes wrong, I will red tag this place myself. Now let's forget about this and go to lunch.
- [a sign falls and crushes the OSHA rep's car]
- Alex Whitman: We could take my car.
- [at the hospital]
- Alex Whitman: Are you all right?
- Isabel Fuentes: I'm all right.
- Alex Whitman: Is the baby OK?
- Isabel Fuentes: There is no baby.
- Alex Whitman: What?
- Isabel Fuentes: Look, Alex, I've been thinking. If I hadn't been pregnant, I wouldn't have gone to your house that night and we wouldn't have gotten married. The baby was the reason for us to be together.
- Alex Whitman: That's not true.
- Isabel Fuentes: I thought it was fate, but it was just a stupid, superstitious dream, you know? There are no signs, Alex. And we're too different and we always will be.
- Alex Whitman: So, what are you saying?
- Isabel Fuentes: I'm saying we're not meant to be together.
- Alex Whitman: No, don't do this. Not now.
- Isabel Fuentes: Alex, this is not going to work.
- Alex Whitman: Isabel, let me help you!
- Isabel Fuentes: Get out, Alex. Get out!
- [Alex starts backing slowly towards the ward doorway starring at Isabel]
- Isabel Fuentes: Get out!