Steve Huison credited as playing...
Lomper
- Dave: [discussing possible means of suicide] I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast.
- Lomper: Haven't got any mates...
- Gary 'Gaz' Schofield: Listen to you, we just saved your fucking life so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?
- Lomper: Really?
- Gary 'Gaz' Schofield: Yeah.
- Lomper: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
- Dave: Yeah, me and all, I'd run ya down as soon as look at ya.
- Lomper: Oh aye? Cheers.
- Dave: Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all.
- Horse: You what?
- Dave: Well, they're going to be looking at us like that, aren't they, Eh? I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."? What happens then, eh?
- Horse: They wouldn't say that, would they?
- Dave: Why not? He's just said her tits are too big.
- Lomper: That's different. We're... blokes.
- Dave: Yeah, and?
- Gerald: I think she's got nice tits, actually.
- Lomper: I never said owt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her.
- Dave: No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither. Which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality - this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.
- Lomper: [Lomper comes in to find his mum trying to get up the stairs by herself] What are you doin', mum?
- Lomper's Mum: Where've you been?
- Lomper: Drivin'.
- Lomper's Mum: Drivin' where?
- Lomper: Just drivin'!
- Lomper's Mum: [pause] Thought you'd gone.