Greg Cruttwell: Max

George of the Jungle

Max

Max: Let's take care of him.
George: Huh?
[Max and Thor pick George up and ram head into cage]
Ape: Why didn't you come sooner?
George: Why Ape have little stars around head?
[Max and Thor pull George out, tickles him, and rams head back in]
Ape: George, remember everything I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair?
George: Uh-huh.
Ape: Well, now's a good time to forget it.

Ape: I'm hungry!
Thor: Oh, shut up. You've been yakkin' for two days straight, and I'm gettin' mad enough to...
Ape: You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Max: Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
Ape: That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Max: Give him a banana, Thor. It won't be long now.
Thor: That's what you said yesterday! This trail is taking us to the middle of nowhere!
Max: The sign at the trail head said "Short cut to Ape River." Now, why would it say "short cut" if it wasn't a...
Max: [pause] Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake, a decoy trail.
Ape: Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the tree house.
Thor: [groaning in frustration] Ohh! Oh, I knew we was lost.
Max: Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just tryin' to trick us, lead us off the short cut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor: We're already taking twice as long!
Max: Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of ya?
Thor: What?
Ape: Duh!
Max: Let's go. If he tells us the short cut leads to the tree house, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.

Thor: I'm chafing, Max. I'm chafing big-time.
Max: Didn't I tell you not to wear 20 pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didn't I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.

[reaching the end of a long trail]
Thor: Max, look! We're back at the tree house!
Ape: Well, I tried, but you fellas are just too smart for me.
Max: Oh, no!
Narrator: "Oh, no" was right! Because even at that moment...
Thor: [looking up] Hey! Why don't you say something constructive for a change, like what we should do now?
Narrator: Because I don't like you.
Thor: Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a...
Narrator: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
[there is a thunderous bang, and both Thor and Max stagger, as though hit]
Narrator: Having some fun now, huh?

[as Thor aims his rifle at Shep, Ape roars and jumps out of the treehouse, landing the ground]
Ape: Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max: Did that monkey just speak?
Thor: That monkey just spoke!
Ursula Stanhope: I *knew* it!
Lyle Van de Groot: He *talked*!
Max: [to Thor] Shoot it now.
Ape: [turns and notices Max and Thor] Hmm?
Max: [lowers Thor's rifle] With the tranquilizer gun, you idiot! The ape's worth a fortune!
George: *No*!
[runs towards Ape]
Lyle Van de Groot: [aims his handgun at George] Stop or I'll shoot!
[shoots George in slow motion]
Ape: No!
Lyle Van de Groot: No!
Ursula Stanhope: George!
[fade to white]
Narrator: Whoo! OK, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the hero.

[while seeing a footprint, the Swahili guides are speaking to Mr. Kwame in Swahili]
Lyle: [pushes one of the Swahili guides] Let me through.
Lyle: [then approaches Mr. Kwame] What's happening?
Kwame: This footprint does not belong to any of my men.
Max: [to Thor] See? There's your proof, the white ape does exist. Now all we have to do is track down the girl and the ape's in the bag.

[Lyle, Max, Thor, Kwame and his comrades are taking a walk on a trail]
Lyle: Gosh, this trail is really rough.
N'Dugo: [in Swahili, subtitled] Drop him! You're not his donkey.
[Lyle gets off one of Kwame's comrades' back]
N'Dugo: [in Swahili, subtitled]
[mocking Lyle]
N'Dugo: "Ursula! Ursula!" Next cliff we pass, he's history.
[Kwame's comrades have a conversation in Swahili and start walking without Lyle]
Lyle: Hey, come back here.
Max: They're not abandoning us, are they?
Kwame: They are threatening.