David Thornton credited as playing...
Earl Unger
- Earl Unger: I can't tell you how much I appreciate you hitting me with the minivan.
- Burton Jernigan: Never let your emotions get the best of you. You weren't paying attention. You should have been more vigilant.
- Earl Unger: You should've taken driver's ed. I'm gonna have bad knees when I'm old and I'll have Burton Jernigan to thank.
- Alice: You got hit with a book?
- Earl Unger: Books, plural. A trunk full of books. Then a set of weights. I got hit twice, you dumb broad!
- [Alex is hiding in the closet and Mr. Unger tries to unlock the door]
- Earl Unger: I'm coming for you, shorty, to pay you back for all the misery you caused me.
- Alice: Mr. Unger, what are you doing?
- Earl Unger: He's in the closet. Scaring him a little, just before I grab him. And behind door number one!
- [Mr. Unger opens the closet door and Alex just disappeared]
- Earl Unger: Towels.
- Burton Jernigan: Hmph.
- Earl Unger: I saw this door close.
- Alice: Idiot.
- Earl Unger: Would I make it up? Why? What's the point? We working on commission here?
- Burton Jernigan: Unger. What's your position?
- Earl Unger: Heading to Washington Street.
- Burton Jernigan: I didn't copy. Where?
- Earl Unger: I said, I'm heading to Wuh-ah-ah-ah...
- [Jernigan hits Unger while driving]
- Earl Unger: Stop, you nitwit!
- [the car stops and Unger screams, then collapses into the snow]
- Alex: [calls out to the crooks] You're not gonna find me up there, you big, dumb, law-breaking knuckle-heads!
- Earl Unger, Alice, Burton Jernigan: He's outside!
- Alex: [holds the chip] Recognize this?
- [while Beaupre, Unger, Jernigan and Alice are sitting at the dinner table, they discuss their plans to steal Alex's toy car]
- Earl Unger: Tomorrow, whack every kid in the neighborhood. Burn them all!
- [the other three "spies" all stare at him]
- Earl Unger: Then look for that stupid car.
- Peter Beaupre: My thoughts keep turning to number 3026. It's within the operating radius of the toy car. It's in sight of all the houses I've been in.
- [Mr. Unger and Mr. Jernigan meet Beaupre, who just found Alex's toy car, at the Alcott's house]
- Burton Jernigan: It's a video camera. Someone's onto us.
- Earl Unger: Do you think this really matters? Chip's in the car. We're at the airport in 45 minutes.
- Peter Beaupre: Where's Alice?
- Alice: [as she pushes a baby stroller to the Alcott's shed] What happened?
- Peter Beaupre: There's a woman in the house. I'll go back in and deal with her. Get the chip.
- [Beaupre then hands Alice the car]
- Alex: Heads up!
- [unleashes booby trap that releases dumbbells on two criminals]
- Peter Beaupre: How did that happen?
- Earl Unger: I don't know.
- Alex: [donging is heard] Ouch.
- Peter Beaupre: There are 14 houses. The toy car must be in one of them. We're going have to search them all. We'll come back when it's light.
- Earl Unger: We're gonna work houses in broad daylight?
- Peter Beaupre: It's the suburbs, Mr. Unger. Nobody's home during the day.