Danny DeVito credited as playing...
Sid Hudgens
- [first lines]
- Sid Hudgens: [voiceover] Come to Los Angeles! The sun shines bright, the beaches are wide and inviting, and the orange groves stretch as far as the eye can see. There are jobs aplenty, and land is cheap. Every working man can have his own house, and inside every house, a happy, all-American family. You can have all this, and who knows... you could even be discovered, become a movie star... or at least see one. Life is good in Los Angeles... it's paradise on Earth." Ha ha ha ha. That's what they tell you, anyway.
- Sid Hudgens: 'It's Christmas Eve in the City of Angels and while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them! Celebrity crimestopper Jack Vincennes, scourge of grasshoppers and dopefiends everywhere!' Ya like it, Jackie boy?
- Jack Vincennes: Yeah, subtle.
- Sid Hudgens: Are you tight with the DA, Jackie?
- Jack Vincennes: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.
- Jack Vincennes: Karen, this is Sid Hudgens of Hush-Hush Magazine.
- Sid Hudgens: Hellooooo, Karen!
- Jack's Dancing Partner: Hello yourself!
- [walks off angrily]
- Jack Vincennes: What's that about?
- Sid Hudgens: Eh, we ran a piece last year, "Ingenue Dykes in Hollywood." Her name got mentioned.
- Sid Hudgens: Get me some narco skinny. I want to do an all-hophead issue. You know, schwartze jazz musicians and movie stars. You like it?
- Sid Hudgens: [voiceover] Something has to be done, but nothing too original, because hey, this is Hollywood.
- Officer Arresting Mickey Cohen: Mr. Cohen, you're under arrest. Nonpayment of federal income tax.
- Jack Vincennes: What do you know about Pierce Patchett?
- Sid Hudgens: Patchett? I know what you know. He's very rich. Just invested in freeway construction, which is gonna make him richer. Why do you ask?
- Jack Vincennes: I just keep hearing rumors, you know. High-class porn, drugs, hookers that look like movie stars.
- Sid Hudgens: Ha. Patchett's what I call twilight. He ain't queer and he ain't red. He cannot help me in my quest for prime sinnuendo.