Maura Tierney credited as playing...
Audrey Reede
- Audrey Reede: Where were you?
- Fletcher Reede: Having sex.
- Audrey Reede: [bitterly] Well, I hope it was with someone VERY special!
- Fletcher Reede: No, see - that's the thing. I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could help my career by making her squeal.
- [Fletcher throws the phone away and drops to the floor in disgust]
- Fletcher Reede: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
- Audrey Reede: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
- Jerry: I love you!
- Audrey Reede: Thank you.
- Jerry: Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...
- Audrey Reede: Thank you very much?
- Max Reede: Do the Claw to Mom, Dad! Do the Claw to Mom!
- Fletcher Reede: Uh-oh. You've found the Claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures!
- [Splatting sound]
- Audrey Reede: [sarcastically] So did you have any trouble finding the place?
- Fletcher Reede: All right, I'm late. I ran outta gas! The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
- Audrey Reede: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
- Fletcher Reede: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
- Max Reede: Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
- Audrey Reede: Ugh. Fletcher!
- Fletcher Reede: Ugh. Audrey!
- [the lights turn on after Max makes a wish and blows out the candles]
- Max Reede: Mom? Dad?
- [Audrey and Fletcher are kissing. After they break away, they look at each other in surprise]
- Fletcher Reede: [suspiciously] MAX? Did you wish for your mom and I to get back together again?
- Max Reede: No. I wished for rollerblades!
- Audrey Reede: [awkwardly, to Fletcher] Uh... wanna cut the cake... Dad?
- Fletcher Reede: I would love to... but I have this horrible pain in my arm...
- Audrey Reede: Oh no... run, IT'S THE CLAW!
- Fletcher Reede: NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!
- Fletcher Reede: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
- Audrey Reede: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
- Fletcher Reede: Yeah, but he's kind of, Magoo... I'm sorry.
- Audrey Reede: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a little bit...
- Fletcher Reede: Magoo!
- Audrey Reede: Yes.
- [Audrey pays off Fletcher's tickets for his impounded car]
- Fletcher Reede: Thank you! I can't tell you how much this means to me!
- Audrey Reede: I can: $1654.11.
- Fletcher Reede: [to attendant] HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
- Fletcher Reede: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
- Audrey Reede: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
- Audrey Reede: Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?
- Fletcher Reede: No?
- Audrey Reede: He was making a wish that for a whole day, his father couldn't tell a lie.
- Fletcher Reede: [Realizing] Oh, my God, that's it!
- Max Reede: Mom, Dad's takin' me to see wrestling!
- Audrey Reede: Ugh! Fletcher!
- Fletcher Reede: Ugh! Audrey!
- Audrey Reede: Well, why do you have to take him to see that stuff? It's very violent!
- Fletcher Reede: The boy must grow to be a warrior!
- [Both grimace and grunt]
- Fletcher Reede: [after Fletcher steals a flight of stairs and gets injured at the airport, Audrey comes over to check on him] Audrey!
- Audrey Reede: Fletcher!
- Fletcher Reede: Great news! Both my legs are broken so they can't take me right to jail.
- Audrey Reede: Fletcher, what were you doing? Are you out of your mind?
- Fletcher Reede: [sits up] No! I'm thinking clear. I've NEVER been this clear.
- Max Reede: [approaches] Dad?
- Fletcher Reede: [smiles] Creep. I was getting kind of upset.
- Max Reede: Are you all right?
- Fletcher Reede: Yeah.
- [points to his heart]
- Fletcher Reede: But I'm hurting here though. I'm a dope, Max. All this time you've been here and I could see you anytime I felt like it but I didn't. Then your mom told me you were moving to Boston and I started thinking. I could be sitting around sometime; I wanna look at you and hold you and play with you. And I wanna be able to. I don't think I'm gonna do too well with that. I love you more than anything else in the world, Max. And you know it's true! I couldn't say it if it wasn't true. Not today. I love you. And I'll NEVER hurt you again.
- [gently wipes a tear off Max's cheek with his thumb]
- Fletcher Reede: Audrey, you can't go. This is not fair.
- Audrey Reede: Fair? Oh, okay, let's define fair, shall we? Last night, a five-year-old boy was crushed because his father lied to him about coming to his birthday party. Fair?
- Fletcher Reede: Last night...
- Audrey Reede: Was none of my business.
- Fletcher Reede: Thank you.
- Audrey Reede: None of my business. Two years ago, it was my business. But, see, I don't have to care about that anymore. I don't care. That's the magic of divorce. But it matters to Max! Everything you do matters to Max and everything you don't do.
- Fletcher Reede: All right, now let me tell you something. I'm a bad father! I mean...
- [realizing it's true]
- Fletcher Reede: I'm a bad father.
- Audrey Reede: You're not a bad father, when you show up.
- Audrey Reede: Are you still picking Max up from school today?
- Fletcher Reede: Here's the thing. I really can't. I had a case I was certain would settle, and it didn't, and I have to go to court this afternoon.
- Audrey Reede: Right.
- Fletcher Reede: It's true! I really want to see Max today!
- [to himself, realizing he means it]
- Fletcher Reede: How about that? I really do.
- Audrey Reede: I just had an insight into myself. I'm crazy. You call me up and say, "Wait right there, I'll be right over," and here's the crazy part, I actually wait.
- Fletcher Reede: I can explain this, though.
- Audrey Reede: I have missed a department meeting. I have... did you come here in a cab?
- Fletcher Reede: Yes!
- Audrey Reede: Where's your car?