Jack Lemmon credited as playing...
Herb Sullivan
- Herb: [to Gil Godwyn while in the lifeboat] Listen to me, you sniveling little brown-nose. I have lived for 71 years, I've fought a war, I've buried my wife and I've survived 48 white sales at Gimble's. So if you think a little fop like you is gonna stop me, you've got another think coming!
- Gil Godwyn: How DARE you speak to me like that!
- Charlie: May I say something, sir?
- Gil Godwyn: No you may NOT!
- [Charlie blows an air horn in Gil's face]
- [Herb and Charlie have successfully left the ship in the lifeboat]
- Gil Godwyn: [furiously] I hope your boat capsizes and you drown like bloody rats!
- Charlie, Herb: Bye!
- [Ellen Carruthers walks in at this point]
- Gil Godwyn: When that old bag makes me VP, I'll see to it you two never work on a cruise ship again as long as you LIVE!
- [turns around, sees Ellen]
- Gil Godwyn: [shocked, but tries to save face] Good evening, Ellen.
- Gil Godwyn: We shall have to call the Guinness Book of Records about your friend Charlie.
- Herb: What? Now what?
- Gil Godwyn: Oh, he's taking the longest piss in freaking recorded history
- Charlie: You see, instead of paying for the cruise, I signed us up as dance hosts. So the cruise is free.
- Herb: What do you mean it's free, you idiot, we're WORKING here!
- Charlie: We're not working. We're dancing and cavorting.
- Herb: You moron. You don't even know how to dance!
- Charlie: Well, that's why I brought you along.
- Herb: I'll tell you the truth, Gil, I lost my wife not too long ago...
- Gil Godwyn: Oh, good. Good! Tell it to the ladies. They eat it up.
- Charlie Gordon: Why are you sterilizing your trousers?
- Herb: [Annoyed] I'm *steaming* them.
- Charlie Gordon: Oh, then what are you gonna' do, eat 'em with garlic butter?
- Herb: It takes the wrinkles out, you imbecile!
- Charlie Gordon: Huh! When a man is steaming his pants at midnight, it generally means there's a broad.
- Herb: No broad!
- Charlie Gordon: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I got one lined up: rich... "Texas rich." With an ass so beautiful, it's a shame she has to sit down on it.
- Herb: Will you do me a favor and just knock that stuff off?
- Charlie Gordon: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you were cooking.
- Charlie: [Seeing Vivian entering the dance area] So... it's the broad that stole our airplane seats.
- Herb: [Annoyed] That "broad" happens to have been an editor at Doubleday.
- Charlie: Who cares?
- Herb: All I was, was a clerk at Gimbel's.
- Charlie: And Secretariat was just a horse. Go on, ask her to dance!
- Herb: Oh, it's too late, Charlie.
- Charlie: There's no such thing as "too late". That's why they invented death!
- Leon the Pilot: [Last lines] $50 apiece for picking up the two studs!
- Mavis: They ought to give you $50 apiece for CALLING them studs!
- Charlie: Herb, lend me $50 will you? All I got is this check.
- Herb: You're not getting' a nickel out of me, Charlie!
- [regarding Gil's disagreeable personality]
- Herb: [whispering to Charlie] I'll bet his father was the cruise director on the Bismarck.