Harland Williams credited as playing...
Fred Z. Randall
- William Overbeck: How'd you like to be the first guy to die on Mars.
- Fred Randall: Well sorry Mr. First to Show Inappropriate Anger on Mars.
- Fred Randall: Hey, Commander, were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? When I was little I used to think there was a baker under my bed.
- William Overbeck: No.
- Fred Randall: You ever look?
- William Overbeck: No.
- Fred Randall: Then how do you know there wasn't a baker under your bed?
- Fred Randall: It wasn't me!
- William Overbeck: What do you mean "It wasn't you"? We're 35 million miles from the nearest person!
- Fred Randall: Maybe it was Julie.
- William Overbeck: You dog!
- Fred Randall: Hey! Miracles can happen.
- William Overbeck: Blaming this on Julie!
- Fred Randall: Okay. I admit. It was me.
- William Overbeck: Thank you.
- [Fred farts again]
- Fred Randall: Now, THAT was Julie!
- Fred Randall: We're the first to stand on Mars!
- William Overbeck: Yeah. Now you're the biggest idiot on two planets.
- Fred Randall: It reminds me of a French Canadian tennis racket, stuck to the back of a Venus snow-goon, bubbling out of my sister's Brazilian donkey - I don't think I can make myself any clearer!
- [Randall is laying on the floor with socks on his hands when the technicians come to get him out]
- Fred Randall: Can you leave me alone for just five more minutes? I just got into the third act.
- [with an English voice and moving sock puppet]
- Fred Randall: Yes! Close the door! It's bloody chilly in here!
- Julie Ford: I guess I'll see you in eight months.
- Fred Randall: Boy. I wish I had nine hundred twenty-eight dollars for every time a girl said that to me!
- Fred Randall: I feel like a paleontologist that's been hunting dinosaurs his whole life and finally got to meet one!
- William Overbeck: Well it's a very special drink. It's just for us astronauts.
- Fred Randall: Oh! Like Tang?
- Fred Randall: They say that when a mother's child is trapped the rush of her adrenaline gives her the strength of 20 men. Alright Commander call me Mommy!
- Bud Nesbitt: Look, it was an accident.
- Fred Randall: Oh, sure, sure it was. Just like the captain of the Exxon Valdez didn't see Alaska floating there right in front of him!
- Fred Randall: It's a tale as old as time Ulysses. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl. Girl goes into hypersleep.
- [Fred is typing on the computer to find out how long he's been asleep]
- Fred Randall: [while typing] Query: How long have I been asleep?
- [the screen reads "RESPONSE: THIRTEEN MINUTES"]
- Fred Randall: Thirteen minutes?
- Fred Randall: JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! His name is my name too!
- [whispering]
- Fred Randall: whenever we go out, the people always shout,
- [screaming again]
- Fred Randall: JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT!