Steve Buscemi credited as playing...
Rockhound
- Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
- Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me into Tai-Pei for Tampax. And then he had to show me how to use them, Harry.
- [off Harry's stern look]
- Rockhound: Ho-ho. I ju- No I-I told her how to use it. I didn't show her, Harry.
- Truman: So what's the verdict?
- Harry Stamper: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.
- Truman: Such as?
- Harry Stamper: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.
- Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...
- Harry Stamper: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.
- Oscar: Okay.
- Harry Stamper: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?
- [pause, turns and shakes his head]
- Harry Stamper: Um, Bear would like to stay at the...
- [tries to read writing]
- Harry Stamper: "White horse"?
- [looks up at Bear]
- Bear: White, *House*. White House.
- Harry Stamper: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.
- Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.
- Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!
- Harry Stamper: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes again.
- [pauses]
- Harry Stamper: Ever.
- Rockhound: We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9, site 15H32 - give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!
- Colonel William Sharp: How the hell do you know that?
- Rockhound: Because I'm a genius.
- Watts: The gauges will not read; they're all peaked like we're plugged into some magnetic field
- Rockhound: [sarcastically] Well, who on the spaceship wants to know why?
- Gruber, Munitions Specialist: By all means.
- Rockhound: The reason we were shooting for grid 8 was because thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite. Which means you landed us on a goddamn iron plate!
- Colonel William Sharp: [In response to Rockhound riding the nuclear warhead] Get off... the nuclear... warhead.
- Rockhound: I was doing that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in, the nuclear warhead.
- Colonel William Sharp: Now.
- Rockhound: Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?
- [Rockhound is duct taped down inside the spaceship to keep him out of trouble]
- Rockhound: Just tryin' to have some fun before I died!
- Watts: [showing a video] Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon. He's bouncing because there's less gravity up there than on Earth. This will be similar to the asteroid. So, watch it. Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it's gonna keep on going, right into outer space.
- Oscar: [to Bear] What is the deal? Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?
- Bear: [nods] Yeah.
- Watts: So we have these new generation suits. With directional accelerant thrusters. You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.
- [seeing that Bear is not paying attention]
- Watts: Bear!
- Bear: Yes?
- Watts: Do we have a problem?
- Bear: No.
- Watts: 'Cause I'm trying to describe to you how these DATs keep your ass on the ground, so that if I were to kick you in the balls, and you don't know how to work them, what happens to you?
- Bear: I float away.
- Watts: Yeah.
- Rockhound: When do we start training for THAT?
- Rockhound: You wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years.
- Rockhound: What does that mean?
- Colonel William Sharp: It means we've got a busted ship.
- Rockhound: A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here? I had a great spot picked out there!
- Rockhound: Yeah, I remember this one. It's where the, uh, the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Acme rocket. Is that - is that what we're doin' here?
- Harry Stamper: [under his breath] Rockhound.
- Rockhound: No, no, really, because it didn't work out too well for the coyote, Harry.
- Harry Stamper: [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock it off.
- Truman: Well, actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.
- Harry Stamper: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
- Chick: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.
- Freddy Noonan: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.
- Bear: I'm with you.
- Oscar: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.
- Rockhound: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!
- Harry Stamper: You all right, Max?
- Max: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.
- Harry Stamper: [to A.J] How about you?
- A.J.: I'm in.
- Harry Stamper: All right then. We go.
- Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?
- Rockhound: [still looking through Rorschach inkblots; to the male psychologist] This one looks like you... *with* breasts.
- Rockhound: Guess what guys, it's time to embrace the horror! Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!
- Rockhound: Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, okay?