Owen Wilson: Oscar

Armageddon

Oscar

Truman: So what's the verdict?
Harry Stamper: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.
Truman: Such as?
Harry Stamper: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.
Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...
Harry Stamper: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.
Oscar: Okay.
Harry Stamper: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?
[pause, turns and shakes his head]
Harry Stamper: Um, Bear would like to stay at the...
[tries to read writing]
Harry Stamper: "White horse"?
[looks up at Bear]
Bear: White, *House*. White House.
Harry Stamper: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.
Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.
Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!
Harry Stamper: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes again.
[pauses]
Harry Stamper: Ever.

Watts: [showing a video] Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon. He's bouncing because there's less gravity up there than on Earth. This will be similar to the asteroid. So, watch it. Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it's gonna keep on going, right into outer space.
Oscar: [to Bear] What is the deal? Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?
Bear: [nods] Yeah.
Watts: So we have these new generation suits. With directional accelerant thrusters. You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.
[seeing that Bear is not paying attention]
Watts: Bear!
Bear: Yes?
Watts: Do we have a problem?
Bear: No.
Watts: 'Cause I'm trying to describe to you how these DATs keep your ass on the ground, so that if I were to kick you in the balls, and you don't know how to work them, what happens to you?
Bear: I float away.
Watts: Yeah.
Rockhound: When do we start training for THAT?

Harry Stamper: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
Chick: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.
Freddy Noonan: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.
Bear: I'm with you.
Oscar: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.
Rockhound: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!
Harry Stamper: You all right, Max?
Max: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.
Harry Stamper: [to A.J] How about you?
A.J.: I'm in.
Harry Stamper: All right then. We go.
Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?

Oscar: I tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band.
Psychologist: Who is Jethro Tull?

Oscar: Ok, Mr. Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?
Truman: 200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that.
Oscar: Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable.

Oscar: Great, I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more - It could be two - it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out.
[to NASA tech strapping him in]
Oscar: Will you make mine really tight, 'cause I don't wanna fall out. I mean, almost to the point of cutting off circulation.

Oscar: This is space! Course, we're just in the beginning part of space, we-we haven't even got to *outer* space yet!