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Kenneth Branagh, Leonardo DiCaprio, Winona Ryder, Charlize Theron, Melanie Griffith, Famke Janssen, Judy Davis, Joe Mantegna, and Bebe Neuwirth in Celebrity (1998)

Kenneth Branagh: Lee Simon

Celebrity

Kenneth Branagh credited as playing...

Lee Simon

Photos34

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Quotes17

  • Lee Simon: You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I mean, every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning at all, I'm looking at it.
  • Supermodel: You're so sweet.
  • Nicole Oliver: I mean, I could never have intercourse with anyone other than Phil. My body belongs to my husband.
  • Lee Simon: Listen, I understand and, you know, I - I...
  • Nicole Oliver: What I do from the neck up, that's a different story.
  • Lee Simon: And you're, you're perfect. Do you have ANY flaws? I'm agog... with...
  • Supermodel: Physically?
  • Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
  • Lee Simon: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.
  • Lee Simon: One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you f***ing blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
  • Supermodel: I'm polymorphously perverse. It's not a flaw, it's just a weakness.
  • Lee Simon: Polymorphously perverse? Meaning?
  • Supermodel: Meaning every part of my body is - gives me sexual pleasure.
  • Lee Simon: Meaning?
  • Supermodel: Meaning every part of me give me erotic pleasure.
  • Lee Simon: And how - sensitive does that make you?
  • Supermodel: Well, if you touch my thighs, my hands, my neck, my kneecaps, I - I'm orgasmic.
  • Lee Simon: Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...
  • Lee Simon: I'm awash in self-contempt!
  • Lee Simon: You're just saying the same thing: can you get lost so I can jump into bed with the director.
  • Nola: You know, anyone listening to you would think I was the whore of Tribeca.
  • Lee Simon: Listen, we have not made love in weeks. What is that?
  • Nola: Why do you want me when I just lie there like a dead fish?
  • Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...
  • Lee Simon: They were obliterated. I got the three "s's": self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...
  • Lee Simon: I remember the face, for sure. And - and you're an actress!
  • Nola: I'm an extra. A face in the crowd.
  • Nicole Oliver: I had this whole wall here plastered with movie star photos. Yeah, and I would dream about being in a movie with Warren Beatty.
  • Lee Simon: What a nice dream.
  • Nicole Oliver: Yeah. And I remember I used to lay on my bed, naked, and watch my body develop.
  • Lee Simon: Naked.
  • Nicole Oliver: And I would *pray* that my breasts and my legs would be beautiful so that I could be an actress.
  • Lee Simon: You know, you got a very erotic figure reclining like that. I have to say that.
  • Nicole Oliver: Well, fortunately I did mature quickly.
  • Bill Gaines: I'm Nicole's press agent.
  • Lee Simon: Okay.
  • Bill Gaines: Look, if you could, let's, you know, not draw on the bulimia.
  • Lee Simon: You know you're the only one who ever makes any sense to me since my divorce.
  • Bonnie: I'm not looking for somebody to make sense to. I want somebody to become irrational over me.
  • Lee Simon: Film is where it's at. I mean, who reads books any more? Anyhow, not young kids. They're into cinema.
  • Philip Datloff: V.J. Rajnipal called. You know, a great writer. He just gave us a fabulous manuscript on the exact same subject.
  • Lee Simon: Really? The same subject?
  • Philip Datloff: A society where every single member is famous. There are no uncelebrated people.

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