Telling You

Telling You (1999) Peter Facinelli, Dash Mihok, Gary Wolf, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Matthew Lillard, Gina Phillips, Jennifer Jostyn, Frank Medrano, D: Robert DeFranco. Two brother-like buddies (Facinelli, Mihok) get hard luck running the local pizzeria in this teen-comedy. Not even a good-looking cast can salvage this turkey from being worthless, boring, and plain as the nose on your face. Running Time: 94 minutes and rated R for language and brief sexual content. * ½

Maybe I am a little biased but that's not the point. This movie is very unique. It incorporates Samuel Coleridge's poem Rhyme (Rime) of the Ancient Mariner into its plot. Jennifer Love Hewitt, although listed as a main character, actually has a small, but hilarious part. Matthew Lillard also has a small part but his strange behaviour is entertaining. Although Peter Facinelli is considered the main character, Dash Mihok is totally the main character. Not only is he hot as gold at melting point, but he is way talented. His acting shines through this role. He probably the only redeeming part of the movie. (Ok, I am totally obsessed with him.) the movie is a good movie to watch at least once because it evokes thought and has a positive message. There are a few grotesque things in the movie.

This movie is a pathetic waste of time, with a pathetic script, following pathetic characters. The two main characters are recent college graduates who ... are working in a pizza shop? If there was a plot here I didn't see it...basically a bunch of burnouts bumbling through life without a plan. If you're going to see a guilty pleasure high school movie, rent She's all That or Can't Hardly Wait (which, ironically, feature large portions of the cast from this movie). Those are much better done than this drivel.

I rented this movie because I'm a fan of Jennifer Love Hewitt, and I'm actually glad I did so I could warn other unsuspecting fans off this slow, boring and completely pointless production. The only positive comment I can make is that I was actually quite pleased with JLH's performance as the hyper and audible Deb Friedman. Peter Facinelli served little purpose except to give myself and other female viewers some delicious eye candy; his "Badda Boom Badda Bing" accent was a complete turnoff and totally over the top. The most abhorrent feature of this film, rather than the plot (which, in all truthfulness, I didn't even understand, and the film ended without me even knowing what happened) was the performance of Dash Mihok. Besides having no chemistry with the other members of the cast (especially the girl he lusted after), his delivery is bland and at times incomprehensible. Bottom line, avoid this stinker at all costs.

No stars.

A few years ago, I went to the video store full of joy. The Matrix had been recently released and I was aching to see it again. My girlfriend of the time made me choose this instead claiming it was more the kind of thing we could both watch.

I have still never forgiven her. It has been six years.

The plot, as I recall, opens with a long anecdote about a scorned woman. It almost (but not quite) looks like it could be funny. Then the whole film becomes lazy and badly written. It has the feel of a really cheap novel, or something a teenager might write. There is little plot, little dialogue and less interest.

This is very poor film making, and I want those 90 minutes of my life back.