Leslie Nielsen credited as playing...
Ryan Harrison
- Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
- Lauren: That's because you're looking at his butt.
- Ryan Harrison: Uh, then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.
- Ryan Harrison: I'm not going to take it any longer. I'm going to fight back. I am going to prove that I am not guilty.
- Security Guard #1: SHUT UP!
- Ryan Harrison: No! I've been wrongfully accused.
- [Guard hits Harrison with a baton]
- Ryan Harrison: How dare you, sir?
- Security Guard #1: How dare you?
- Ryan Harrison: No, how dare you?
- Security Guard #1: No, no, how dare you?
- Ryan Harrison: How dare you "no, no" my "how dare you?
- Security Guard #1: You dare to dare me?
- Ryan Harrison: How dare you "how dare me", when I "how dare you?", you big pee-pee head!
- Security Guard #1: *You* are the pee-pee head!
- Ryan Harrison: Mr. Booger Lips! Ca-ca mouth!
- Cass Lake: You see, I think she's my sister.
- Ryan Harrison: Sister?
- Cass Lake: It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.
- Customer in bait shop: You know, I've never seen you around here, Mr...
- [Harrison quickly improvises a fake story, using objects in view above the counter]
- Ryan Harrison: Buzzin. Buzzin Frog. Born on the shores of the Euro Larvae River in Rapala. Couple of husky jerks brought me to Slimy Slug, South Dakota. Up there by Timber Doodle? The Zebco brothers, Smithwick and Salty Dog Shrimp... ohh!
- [Bangs hand on counter]
- Ryan Harrison: I can't go fishing this afternoon. I've got a big meeting over at... Menzrum.
- Ryan Harrison: [starts to walk away] I'd forget my genitals if they weren't superglued in between my legs. Water-skiing accident.
- Lauren Goodhue: I've never missed one of your concerts. Hibbing, however, wasn't at Friday's.
- Hibbing Goodhue: It was a high colonic.
- Ryan Harrison: Yes, a Jewish holiday. Mazel tov.
- Ryan Harrison: [to Sean] Right? Signal "yes" by shooting yourself in the head three times.
- Lauren: Don't, it's a trick!
- Ryan Harrison: [after bus crash] I can't see!
- Bus Prisoner: Take the waste-basket off your head.
- Ryan Harrison: [Takes it off] I still can't see!
- Bus Prisoner: Take the other one off.
- Ryan Harrison: Sit down, Pancakes. Of all the women in all the world, you had to walk into mine.
- Cass Lake: I'm sure if we just talk all night, we can work this out.
- Ryan Harrison: Sure, Slappy. Let's pull out that wad of cotton and get right to the aspirin. You hired a hit man. You wanted Hibbing dead. I saw the two of you arguing. And you were sizzling like a wiener on a hibachi.
- Cass Lake: Listen to me. I was abandoned as a child. I never knew my mother, I never knew my father, I never knew my dog...
- Ryan Harrison: Yeah, pretty words, Baby Crackers. Your Popeil Pasta Maker is spewing out fettuccini full of lies.
- [after spotting an assassin with a prosthetic leg in the crowd]
- Ryan Harrison: Look out! He's got a leg!
- Ryan Harrison: [wearing fishing outfit] Uh, these are.. on sale, right?
- Minnesota store owner: Sure, yeah. $32.50, okay? Uh-huh. You betcha, sure, uh-huh!
- Ryan Harrison: We can go away right now. I pack light. Everything we need is right here in my pants.