Paul Whitehouse credited as playing...
William Van Dort • Mayhew • Paul the Head Waiter
- Bonejangles: Hit it, boys. Hey! Give me a listen, you corpses of cheer,/Least those of you who still got an ear./I'll tell you a story make a skeleton cry/Of our own jubiliciously lovely corpse bride!
- [the camera zooms in on Emily, who smiles wistfully]
- Bone Boys: Die, die, we all pass away/But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay/And you might try and hide/And you might try and pray/But we all end up the remains of the day/Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Bonejangles: Well, our girl was a beauty known for miles around/When a mysterious stranger came into town./He was plenty good-lookin', but down on his cash./And our poor little baby, she fell hard and fast
- [as he sings this, he dips the Corpse Bride]
- Bonejangles: When her daddy said no, she just couldn't cope/So our lovers came up with a plan to elope!
- Bone Boys: Die, die, we all pass away/But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay/And you might try and hide/And you might try and pray/But we all end up the remains of the day/Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Bonejangles: [after instrumental] That's right. Okay. Oh, yeah. Come on, boys, pick it up. Yeah. Like it. Okay, Chancy, take it. Yeah. Yeah! That's nice. Yeah. So they conjured up a plan to meet late at night./They told not a soul, kept the whole thing tight./Now her mother's wedding dress fit like a glove./You don't need much when you're really in love./Except for a few things, or so I'm told,/Like the family jewls and a sachel of gold./Then next to the graveyard by the old oak tree,/On a dark foggy night at a quarter to three,/She was ready to go, but where was he?
- Short Dead Cook: And then?
- Bonejangles: She waited.
- Short Dead Cook, Mrs. Plum: And then?
- Bonejangles: There in the shadows, was it her man?
- Short Dead Cook, Mrs. Plum, Tall Dead Cook: And then?
- Bonejangles: Her little heart beat so loud!
- Short Dead Cook, Mrs. Plum, Tall Dead Cook, Paul The Head Waiter: And then?
- Bonejangles: And then, baby, everything went black./Now when she opened her eyes she was dead as dust./Her jewels were missin' and her heart was bust./So she made a vow lyin' under that tree/That she'd wait for her true love to come set her free./Always waiting for someone to ask for her hand./Then out of the blue comes this groovy young man/Who vows forever to be by her side./And that's the story of our own corpse bride!
- Bone Boys: Die, die, we all pass away/But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay/And you might try and hide/And you might try and pray/But we all end up the remains of the day/Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Emil: Lord and Lady Everglot, Mr. and Mrs. Van Dort.
- William Van Dort: [to Maudeline] Why... you must be Miss Victoria. Yes, I must say you don't look a day over twenty. No. Oh, yes.
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] It's a beautiful day!
- William Van Dort: [singing] It's a rather nice day.
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] A day for a glorious wedding!
- William Van Dort: A rehearsal, my dear, to be perfectly clear.
- Nell Van Dort: A rehearsal for a glorious wedding!
- William Van Dort: Assuming nothing happens that we don't really know.
- Nell Van Dort: That nothing unexpected interferes with the show.
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] And that's why everything, every last little thing, every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] According to plan!
- William Van Dort: Our son will be married!
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] According to plan!
- William Van Dort: And our family carried,
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] Elevated to the heights of society!
- Nell Van Dort: To the costumed balls!
- William Van Dort: In the hallowed halls!
- Nell Van Dort: Rubbing elbows with the finest!
- William Van Dort: And having crumpets with Her Highness!
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] We'll be there! We'll be seen! Having tea with the queen! We'll forget everything... that we've ever ever been!
- Maudeline Everglot: [speaking] Marriage is a partnership, a little tit for tat; you'd think a lifetime watching us
- [singing]
- Maudeline Everglot: might have taught her that, might have taught her that.
- Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect, perfect!
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot, Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: That's why everything/every last everything/every single tiny microscopic little thing must go... According to plan!
- William Van Dort: You've certainly hooked a winner this time, Victor.
- Nell Van Dort: Now, all you have to do is reel her in.
- Victor Van Dort: I'm already reeling, Mother. Shouldn't Victoria Everglot be marrying a lord or something?
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, nonsense. We're every bit of good as the Everglots. I always knew I deserved better than a fish merchant's life.
- Victor Van Dort: But I've never even spoken to her.
- Nell Van Dort: Well, at least we have that in our favor.
- [Mayhew coughs]
- Nell Van Dort: Mayhew! Silence that blasted coughing!
- Paul The Head Waiter: Coming through, coming through. My name is Paul, the head waiter. I will be creating your wedding feast.
- Maggot: [popping out the Corpse Bride's eye] Wedding feast, I'm salivating.
- The Corpse Bride: [pushing the maggot back into her eye] Maggots.
- [laughs]
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, it's almost dawn! Where could he be?
- Town Crier: Victor Van Dort elopes with corpse! Heartbroken bride to wed wealthy newcomer!
- Nell Van Dort: Wealthy newcomer? It cannot be.
- William Van Dort: Did he say corpse?
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, don't be ridiculous. What corpse would marry our Victor?
- [Mayhew coughs]
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, Mayhew! Silence that blasted coughing! Mayhew, are you trying to kill us? I think he's trying to kill us!
- Nell Van Dort: Blimey, it's my dress is caught.
- Mayhew: Begging your pardon, ma'am.
- William Van Dort: Come on, dear.
- Nell Van Dort: It's not me. It's my dress that's caught. Where is Victor? We might be late.