The Crippled Masters

Crippled Masters? Who get the ideas for these flicks? I can barely imagine the sick person who was looking for a story to make a good flick and all he come up with is "I know! I'll make a movie about two crippled guys who do kung fu!". Anyway, the guy who thaught of this get high points for originality, as watching an armless guy and a legless one beat up people is highly entertaining. Just don't expect anything more than cheesy, campy fun.

About the story, it goes a little like this: A man gets both arm chopped off(producing a low amount of blood for this kind of flick) by an evil warlord(who has a weird drawing thingie under the eye). He then stumble around with both arm chopped off, eating pig food and such. He then meet a follow handicapable(hehe) who had his leg melted with a very low quantity of acid by the same warlord. Fast running on hands and stump hits ensue.

First of all, you gotta respect the two actors' ability to cope with their handicap and do kung fu. And they're quite good at it too(for crippled guys, I mean).

Next thing that make this movie fun is the very low production value, causing bizarre and often funny mistakes. This film also got the loud punching sound that goes along with kung fu flicks.

In the end, I'd recommend renting this flick if you feel like watching two crippled kung fu masters fight again an evil warlord who can block with his back can be entertaining, or just for the novelty factor, because there isn't much else to it...

"The Crippled Masters" manages to establish it's tone quite early: within the first ten minutes, you already know this thing isn't going to make a lick of sense. If you were to get your arms cut off would you a)bleed heavily and shriek like a little girl or b)just sorta walk it off and go to a teahouse? If you went for a), you have no business being in this movie's universe. This movie relies heavily on the one gimmick it has going for it, but thankfully it's good enough to last...until around halfway or so. The problem I sorta have here is that they came up with a plot so genius that they didn't bother to do any more writing. The structure is your typical first act injustice-second act training-third act vengeance drill, done without any real wit, creativity or even decent-looking martial arts. These choreographies are really poor, it never looks the least bit convincing that these masters are hurting the villains at all. To make matters worse you hear punch sound effects on the worst possible times. Who dubs in a sound effect during a choke hold, let alone that particular sound effect? Did the sound guys even watch the movie while they did all this? It's just kind of a lazy production, that's all I'm saying. But the gimmick well, it still provides a lot of fun. You just wish they had saved this idea for a production that knew what to do with it. Oh well, I enjoyed it anyway.

Let's see, what do we have: Old recluse teacher type, check. Bizarre training regimine, check. Tea house scene, check. Evil bad guy with secret problem, check. Bolo Yeung, hmmm missed on this point, but there is at least one wannabe. Actor with face painted a weird shade of white/green, check.

Unusual items that make this one different? Never seen the butt used with such force before! The use of too handicapped individuals was very different, one with a limited stump of an arm instead of two and one with two fairly useless legs.

All in all very typical of the genre. Fight scenes abound linked together with a bit of a plot. The most interesting part was watching the two heroes work their way around doing daily tasks.

If you think you would enjoy watching a movie about an armless kung-fu warrior and a legless kung-fu warrior who team up to get back at the guys who chopped them up... this is your movie

"The Crippled Masters" qualifies as one of the weirdest entries in the Kung Fu genre, which was so popular in urban grindhouses in the early to mid-70's. Despite the 1984 copyright date, this curiosity obviously was filmed at least 10 years earlier & no doubt played a rat infested, inner city theater or two.

No actors or technicians are credited on the New Line print in circulation, but longtime fans will obviously spot some genre vets in supporting roles. The actually crippled "stars" (an armless man and his near-legless partner)probably made this one picture & then faded into obscurity.

A secret Kung Fu society banishes one of its members, but not before cutting of the poor unfortunate fellow's arms. Soon, the individual who presided over this cruel punishment is, himself, banished, suffering an acid bath that nearly disintegrates his legs. Improbably, they end up as partners under the tutelage of an ancient, alcoholic-looking "master" who teaches them kung fu, to help them to exact revenge on the leader of the secret society who ordered their mutilations.

Also figuring into the plot is the search for the "8 Jade Horses", statuettes that imbue "one who understands" with great kung fu powers. Each side wants them, including a "government" investigator sent to find them. This sets the stage for several interminable and amateurish "chop-socky" set pieces as the film lunges and kicks towards its conclusion.

As usual, the dubbing of this Hong Kong production is atrocious and the sound effects accompanying the various blows sound like those of a poorly produced video game. The chief interest of this film is it's sheer "political incorrectness", as it exploits the humiliations experienced by the poor unfortunate cripples cast in the lead roles.

Sadistically sick, but in a cheesy sort of way, it's a definite guilty pleasure. Best viewed with a cold six pack handy!