Bonnie Hunt credited as playing...
Megan Dayton
- Joe Dayton: [sees Grace crying] Aw, Christ. Who died?
- Megan Dayton: No one.
- Grace Briggs: [sobbing] Bob's wife!
- Joe Dayton: He's married?
- Megan Dayton: Oh, God...
- Joe Dayton: Rat bastard!
- Tyler Dayton: Yeah, rat bastard!
- Joe Dayton: Tyler, shh! You want me to go over there and handle this? You want me to handle that son of a bitch?
- Megan Dayton: Joe, no, please don't. Joe...
- Joe Dayton: I knew it! I knew it, that hairline...
- Megan Dayton: Joe, stay out of it, you don't know...
- Joe Dayton: ...the "creative type", it's a given!
- Megan Dayton: You don't know what you're talking about. Take the kids, stop it. Go with Daddy.
- Joe Dayton: I'll go take care of it. I swear to God, I will kick his ass for you. I'll kick the shit out of him!
- Megan Dayton: Honey, stop it, please! Stop it...
- Joe Dayton: Quit pushing me!
- Megan Dayton: I'm gonna push you! You don't...
- Joe Dayton: Grace, what's going on here?
- Megan Dayton: Joe, nothing's going on!
- Joe Dayton: You want me to handle it? I'll kick the shit out of him for you, Grace! That son of a bitch!
- Megan Dayton: Joe, please!
- Joe Dayton: What? What?
- Megan Dayton: Grace has Bob's dead wife's heart!
- [pause]
- Joe Dayton: [stunned] He's not married? Huh. Okay.
- Megan Dayton: Whatever you do, don't shave your legs.
- Grace Briggs: Why?
- Megan Dayton: Well, then you definitely won't let it go too far.
- Grace Briggs: Megan! It's a *first* date!
- Megan Dayton: Yeah, well, I married a first date, missy, and you know how it is. You're out with a guy, you find him attractive, and suddenly everything he says sounds brilliant. Hairy legs are your only link to reality.
- Grace Briggs: I think you should needle-point that on a pillow.
- Megan Dayton: Well, I just might! It kept me a virgin until... y'know, *whenever*.
- Megan Dayton: You're going to get a heart, I *know*. And you'll be able to do all the things you never could before. That's what you've gotta concentrate on. Think of riding a bike, and going to Italy... and dating *really* handsome men. *That*, I know, has to happen for one of us.
- Grace Briggs: I'm getting a new heart, not a new ass.
- Megan Dayton: "What do you expect most from a relationship? A: Companionship. B: Sex. C: Respect." I'd have to go with B: Sex. But let's mark "C" so we get a higher score...
- Grace Briggs: So, I'm gonna tell him tonight.
- Megan Dayton: Oh, please, I've heard that before.
- Grace Briggs: No, I am.
- Megan Dayton: Well, you should because he's perfect you know.
- Grace Briggs: Yeah... for me he is.
- [Joe is dancing in the kitchen with his shirt off]
- Joe Dayton: I'm a bad cowboy
- [Motions to Megan]
- Joe Dayton: Come on.
- Megan Dayton: No, no... our rhythm gets us in trouble.
- Tyler Dayton: [back from the zoo] And then we went to see the gorillas and Mommy said it was you.
- Megan Dayton: I did not!
- Joe Dayton: Oh, really? Did you go to see the elephants?
- Megan Dayton: Watch it, Joe.