Danny DeVito credited as playing...
George Shapiro
- George Shapiro: Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
- [At a meeting with the NBC executives]
- George Shapiro: Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!
- Andy Kaufman: I'm going to the Philippines.
- George Shapiro: The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
- Andy Kaufman: A miracle.
- George Shapiro: How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world?
- Andy Kaufman: George
- [coughs]
- Andy Kaufman: , at this point the audience expects me to shock them all the time. But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire, I don't know what else to do. Because I've always gotta be one step ahead of them.
- George Shapiro: So what do you have here? A big, elaborate joke that's only funny to two people in the universe... you and you.
- [after sitting through Tony Clifton's show, a reluctant George Shapiro is requested to a private venue with Clifton, who is busily eating a pasta dish]
- George Shapiro: What do you want?
- Andy Kaufman: [Clifton pulls down his sunglasses to reveal he is actually Andy in makeup] Just a little friendly conversation, George.
- Tony Clifton: [Kaufman switches back to Tony's voice] You hungry? You look thin!
- [singing to himself in tune of "Funiculi Funicula"]
- Tony Clifton: Italiano, cacciatore Scaloppine, pasta fagiol.
- George Shapiro: I don't understand this act.
- Andy Kaufman: It's just good old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain.
- George Shapiro: What about that poor schlub you humiliated?
- [Bob Zmuda, in disguise as the poor schlub Shapiro just mentioned, arrives and takes a seat next to Andy]
- Bob Zmuda: Hey, man, excellent show. That was a great show. That was awesome.
- Andy Kaufman: George, this is my writer and old friend, Bob Zmuda.
- Bob Zmuda: [shakes hands with Shapiro] Hey, George, how are you? I'm Bob.
- Andy Kaufman: He's very creative.
- Bob Zmuda: I'm the brains behind this operation.
- Andy Kaufman: Yeah, dream on. He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo.
- Bob Zmuda: This was fantastic, George. We got like 50 actors tearing through the zoo. And they're all screaming
- [sounding panicked]
- Bob Zmuda: There's a fucking lion, man, a lion!
- George Shapiro: Your name's not Gorsky.
- Bob Zmuda: [peels off fake mustache] Don't believe everything you hear, George.
- Andy Kaufman: I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy.
- George Shapiro: You're surrounded by what you create. Andy, you're the king of negative energy.
- [a producer at Taxi wants to fire Tony Clifton, but he needs Andy's permission to do so. He has George call Andy who is supposedly doing a concert in San Francisco. As Tony continues to cause chaos on the set, Andy's voice comes through on the other line]
- George Shapiro: Hello, Andy. I'm here with Ed over at Taxi.
- Andy Kaufman: Hi, Ed.
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: Hi, Andy.
- Andy Kaufman: How are you?
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: I'm fine.
- George Shapiro: There's been some trouble with Tony.
- Andy Kaufman: [sounding genuinely shocked] Oh, no! Did he get hurt?
- George Shapiro: No, Andy, it's nothing like-- No.
- Andy Kaufman: Did he hurt someone else?
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: No, it's not that. Andy, the reason I'm calling you like this is... I have the utmost respect for your artistry.
- Andy Kaufman: Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed.
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: Thank you. But you see, in this instance... I have to ask your permission to fire Tony.
- [Andy is in fact backstage at Taxi in full Tony Clifton costume and makeup. He covers the speaker of the telephone and jumps up and down with joy]
- Andy Kaufman: [resumes shocked tone] Oh, my... George, this is gonna kill Tony. He's waited for this his whole life.
- George Shapiro: There'll be other shots.
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor.
- Andy Kaufman: Okay. But please let him down gently.
- [Smash cut to...]
- Tony Clifton: FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GOING!
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: We had a deal.
- Tony Clifton: I don't know who you talked to. You must have talked to someone else!
- Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer: [angrily] I was talking to Andy Kaufman!
- Tony Clifton: I DON'T KNOW NO ANDY KAUFMAN!