Bongwater

When the opening credits began to roll for "Bong Water," I was beside myself with glee. Luke Wilson? Jeremy Sisto? Andy Dick? It's too good to be true, I thought. I was right. This movie is a complete waste of time, not only for viewers, but for those who actually participated in its creation. Honestly, the studio exec who gave this film the green light should rethink their career choice. The story revolves around the budding (no pun intended) relationship between David, a mellowed out pot dealer played by the ever-charming Luke Wilson, and Serena, a leach who gives all women bad names played terribly by Alicia Witt. The evolution of their relationship spans a three-week time period, and for those of us living in the real world, that was hard to swallow. The two get together based on Serena's desire to promote David's pot-induced art work. Within a few weeks time, though, she's scamming her way into someone else's life, with unbelievable results. In all, this movie has no plot, no strong story line, and no reason to ever grab an audience's attention. Alicia Witt, who could stand to take some acting classes, is truly unbelievable and hard to watch. I don't care if she's a "real" red head and all men love that... those of us who can see past the carrot top see that this actress (and I use that term loosely) should go back to school and find a different career. If you are going to see this movie (and really, you should run screaming if presented with the prospect), look forward to light-hearted and silly performances by Andy Dick, Jack Black, and Brittany Murphy, though they aren't enough reason to actually sit through this 97-minute bore. You are better off catching Dick's performances in other quirky flicks, or Black's work in "High Fidelity" or "Tenacious D," or Murphy's fun performances in "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Clueless." If you are truly dead set on a stoner flick, check out "Friday", "Half-Baked", or "Homegrown." "Bong Water" hardly even touches on the topic of the title.

I saw a screening of this film in its uncut version 3 months ago... (I intern at the company that aquired it and is going to distribute it.) It has some great *realistic* caricatures of potheads and all other sorts of drug users and such... Luke Wilson is okay, but his subtlety doesn't quite work here. The story is as meandering as its subject matter, much like the finer, non-Hollywood stoner films. Amy Locane is pretty good, (why didn't her career ever fly?) Other cast are frighteningly familiar caricatures of neo-hippy-ites. Final cut will probably be better than what I saw, as I hear that many long, boring segments are being cut from the film. People in on the scene, or stoned at the time, will enjoy the film a lot. Doesn't, however, have mass-audience appeal at all.

When I first saw the trailer for Bongwater, I thought, "This will be the best movie of all time." I really did think that. This could not be further from the truth. Quite frankly, I'm not quite sure what I saw. I would analogize it to cotton candy(or Chinese food, just hear me out). I ate a lot, but it just kind of dissolved. I know that I watched this movie, but what was it that I saw? Was I too deep for it or was it too deep for me?? Unfortunately, this is another case in the grand tradition of "Mr. Wrong" and "Dude, Where's My Car" where a trailer writes a check that it's ass simply cannot cash. My advice is to watch the trailer continously- it's hilarious on so many levels. Watch the "Mr. Wrong" one as well to really get a taste of unbridled potential gone horribly awry.

This is a movie which is just for fun. I think you just have to get it or like this kind of film to enjoy it, as I am sure a ton of you out there will think its a waste. I liked it very much. Alot of familiar faces in this one before they became more well known. Andy Dick is great, so is Jack Black. Some cool songs too which worked great with the scenes. Just a messed up fun escape for an hour and a half, if not just to see some of these stars of today in a smaller indie film. Simple, witty, and a guilty pleasure.

I have a soft spot for the Stoner genre - I can't help it. And, unlike some of the posters about this film, I really enjoyed "Half-Baked" - it was good-natured and humble. Though the cover for "Bongwater" gave me impression of those indie movies given a shamelessly misleading advertising "angle" by companies eager to earn back even a third of the money they spent on it, I took a chance because I like Jack Black and Luke Wilson and there's always room for one more stoner movie. Bad idea. Not a stoner movie (the drug sequences are uniformly embarrassing), not a comedy, and never affecting, "Bongwater" stinks; blighted with a strained script, unfocused direction, and the kind of nebulous yet righteously sadistic morality that belongs in a Joel Schumacher opus, not an indie film. Even more disturbing, this movie shook up my opinions about actors I'd always thought I liked. Luke Wilson, so laconically charming in Wes Anderson's movies, is wooden here, the usually amusing Andy Dick is boring, and comic god Jack Black appears in only one scene that even begins to make proper use of him. And then there's Alicia Witt - I liked her OK in "Cecil B. Demented," but her performance in "Bongwater" is so excruciatingly pretentious, bratty, and shrill (she must have attended the Liza Minelli school of acting) that I pledge to never again watch another movie in which she appears.

Bottom line: I'd take the most braindead of stoner comedies over this tone-deaf, small-minded, and almost utterly unfunny movie. Even if you're a Tenacious D completist, think hard before you spend money on "Bongwater."