Eddie Murphy: Donkey

Shrek

Donkey

[looking for a certain type of flower]
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!

Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa, look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: 'That' would be my home.
Donkey: Oh... and it is LOVELY! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.

Donkey: We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!

Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example... uh... ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes... No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Shrek: [peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers.
[walks off]
Donkey: Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes! Ogres are not like cakes.
Donkey: You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait."? Parfaits are delicious!
Shrek: NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later.
Donkey: Parfait's may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

Donkey: Hey, what's your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...
Donkey: You know, Shrek... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.

[Shrek, his swamp filled with fairytale creatures, glares at Donkey]
Donkey: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them!
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us!
Shrek: What?
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here!
Shrek: By who?
Little Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed... and he signed an eviction notice.

Princess Fiona: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Princess Fiona: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]

Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...

Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I?
Donkey: Ah... really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: [taken aback] Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Er... Shrek.

Captain of Guards: [as Donkey flies through the air on pixie dust] He can talk!
Donkey: That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly! Ha, ha!
[pixie dust wears off]
Donkey: Uh-oh!

[Shrek has been hit by an arrow]
Princess Fiona: Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...
Donkey: Why, what's wrong?
Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt!
Donkey: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay!
Donkey: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?
Princess Fiona: [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!
Shrek: DONKEY!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!
[runs off]
Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.

[Dragon, having a crush on Donkey, is cuddling him]
Donkey: [desperately talking] I don't want to rush into a... physical relationship... I'm not that emotionally ready for a... uh... commitment of this... uh... magnitude! Really, that's the word I'm looking for, magnitude... Huh! Hey, that is unwanted physical contact! Hey! What're you doing? Okay, okay, okay... let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time... I mean, we should really get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even as pen pals, you know, coz I'm on the road a lot, but I just love to get a card... Hey, hey, hey, don't do that, that's my TAIL, that's my personal tail, you gonna tear it off! I don't give permission to... Hey, what're you gonna do with that? Oh, no, no, no, no... no!

Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!
Shrek: [hiding in the toilet] Go away!
Donkey: See? There you are, doing it again! Just like you did to Fiona! All she ever did was like you maybe, even love you!
Shrek: LOVE me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking!
Donkey: She wasn't talking about you, okay? She was talking about... uh... somebody else.
Shrek: [comes out] She... wasn't... talking about me?

[as they approach Fiona's castle, Donkey smells the air]
Donkey: Woah, Shrek, did you do that? Man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off, my mouth was open and everything!
Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead!
[sniffs]
Shrek: It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about "it's the brimstone". I know what I smelled and it wasn't no brimstone and it didn't come off no stone neither.

Donkey: Shrek! Hold up, Shrek! You got to wait for the line!
Shrek: [about to burst into the cathedral] What are you talking about?
Donkey: The line, the line you gotta wait for: the priest's gonna say "Speak now or forever hold your piece", and you rush in and say "I object!"
Shrek: I don't have time for all that!
[runs forward]
Donkey: [stops Shrek] You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: YES!
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS! Chicks love that romantic crap!
Shrek: All right, cut it out! When does this guy say the line?
Donkey: ...We gotta check that out.