Stargames

There must be something good to say about a family-effort film project....in this case, it apparently involves the Clark clan and some marginally-talented homies....so, we can only hope it was meant for audiences under the age of seven. Anyone older will immediately pick up on the amazingly cheesy effects, performances---sadly including Tony Curtis', who must have owed somebody a big favor---and atrociously bad scripting and dialogue. (Count how many times the parents yell, "BRIAN!", even when he's right in front of them.) However, all this makes for a fabulous riff session, and you won't even need RiffTrax. You'll have plenty of your own material, especially when "Happy" shows up---it's this flick's only Clowning achievement.

How bad can Sci-Fi movies get?

Just watch "Stargames" and then ask yourself if you've ever seen one that's worse. I'd be willing to bet the answer is: No.

Veteran film director Greydon Clark went out with a bang or more like a fizzle, with this wretchedly awful Sci-Fi dud and sadly he felt the need to include/shame his sons at the same time - a real family affair. Having seen it twice I can say that Stargames is an atrocious movie in virtually every aspect: the acting, editing, dialog, special effects, costumes, music, etc, from top to bottom this is as bad as it gets. And believe it or not Tony Curtis was roped into this horrible mess somehow or another - but at least he's the king in this movie. Did he need the money THAT badly or was he just bored and needed something to occupy his time with??? Also it must be stated that this movie is loaded with some of the worst/cheapest looking CGI effects ever seen. Stargames is the epitome of a slipshod, amateur production and as a result the movie comes loaded with many illogical situations, which in no small way is due to the cast and crews sheer incompetence. However it must be said, that do to their bumbling ways, Greydon and company can, on occasion, create some wonderfully awkward/badly acted moments of unintentional humor. And as you watch in stunned silence you'll no doubt be be asking yourself "how much worse can this get?" and on that point Stargames excels, because it keeps getting worse and worse all the way to the end. And not to forget "Happy" the clown (Who? You'll see.), whose known far and wide for his sunny disposition and spot-on comic timing - yes this movie has something for everyone.

The film is set around the premise of a young prince who escapes the evil clutches "Lugos", the most pathetic depiction of an intergalactic, power mad, space villain you'll ever see. Oh yeah, the 12 year-old prince clumsily makes his get-away in his mommies space ship (I kid you not) and remains on the run from Lugos from there on. The majority of the movie however takes place out in the woods (it's cheaper that way), where Greydon Clarks sons face a variety of obstacles - one of which is diabetes, which sadly is the most menacing enemy in the movie. Yep, it's that lame. In fact this movie is so lame, that people are able to evade laser beams - by merely stepping aside. So much for light traveling at 186,000 miles per second! The costumes are comically second-rate, especially the goofy looking helmets with the triangular visors and the "laser guns" seen in this movie, are literally nothing more than clear plastic tubing. With there being so much to criticize, it's hard to say exactly what part of this movie is the worst, but if I had to pin-point it, I'd say it's the script and the dialog that's contained therein; which is loaded to the hilt with ridiculous pseudo-scientific jargon, that was obviously made-up on the spot. I guess when you yammer on about non-existent technology you can say anything. One things for sure, fans of "Hard Science" will find this movie utterly detestable, because as with most Sci-Fi films (even the good ones), physics don't seem to matter. Even SYFY's feature films ("Sharknado" "Lavalantula"... you get the idea) are better than this.

In conclusion, Stargames is truly one of the most pathetic Sci-Fi movies of all-time and it goes without saying that it's a definite bottom of the barrel entry for the genre. However and to end things on a positive note: If you enjoy bad movies than this one's absolutely not to be missed!

At the lime this film was made, Tony. Curtis was at the tail end of his career, mostly TV guest appearances and bit parts in forgettable films. Its hard to take the actor who gave such Film performances as Spartacus, The Defiant Ones, Some Like It Hot, and Operation Petticoat (yes, only a fair movie but he was terrific in his role) in this drivel. I'm no performer, but really, can the allure of the stage or screen really be so powerful as to be involved in this embarrassment? Was he in deep to a bookie or the IRS?

Recommendation: watch the RiffTrax version, only.

. . . but certainly in the top two. As a movie aficionado and frustrated film maker, I long for the talent that would allow me to shoot just one minute of film good enough to be considered art. I'm sure Graydon Clark has a similar aspiration for himself. Just as I do not rate movies with a 10 (there is no such thing as a perfect film) I also am loath to rate a movie with a 1, which is also a measure of perfection but at the wrong end of the spectrum. Stargames brushes awfulness perfection but doesn't quite make it. It is chock full of truly atrocious moments, from inexplicable actions to the creepiest clown I have seen anywhere. Ever. While this movie is one of the worst ever, it yielded a RiffTrax gem. It is truly a RiffTrax masterpiece and that alone justifies the existence of this turkey.

Well, right about that time them Clark boys daddy said, "Time to be actors". Pappy Clark had just bought one of them Video Toasters and a Pentium with 8 Meg of Ram. So, it goes downhill from there.

Graydon plays the father to one of his sons. Earthboy, seen at the very end of Uninvited clutching a cat that looked nothing like the mutant cat. Bennett plays the father to his other son that honestly looks more handsome than the kid from Home Improvement, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Spaceboy.

Earthboy gets lost on a family vacation. Earthboy meets Spaceboy who is running from a evil space dictator, who looks like a colander had sex with a pile of isht. And Happy.... WTF. That is the only reason to watch this movie and watch a horrible actor, do Robin Williams impressions horribly, dressed in full clown makeup.

Watch if you like movie masochism/narcissism.