Famke Janssen credited as playing...
Miss Burke
- Zeke: Hello Miss Burke!
- Miss Burke: Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?
- Zeke: Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?
- Miss Burke: Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.
- Zeke: Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.
- Miss Burke: Yes?
- Zeke: Oh yeah.
- Miss Burke: Something tasty?
- Zeke: [softly] Let me hook you up.
- Zeke: Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance.
- Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!
- F'%# Up #1: Ouch! Come back.
- Zeke: [sarcastic] What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?
- Miss Burke: And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being!
- Zeke: Whoa... woman. What are you on?
- Miss Burke: "Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation!
- [exits]
- Zeke: [to himself] Whoa! She got some bad shit!
- Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
- [Zeke sits down on his car]
- Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
- Miss Burke: Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?
- Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.
- Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.
- Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.
- Miss Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...
- Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh?
- Miss Burke: ...you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.
- Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.
- Miss Burke: That's so rude.
- Zeke: Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses.
- Miss Burke: That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear.
- Zeke: Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt.
- Miss Burke: That's very good.
- Zeke: Like I said, calluses.