Jack Riley: Stu Pickles

The Rugrats Movie

Stu Pickles

Rex Pester: Mr. Pickles, how does it feel knowing your brother lost your only daughter?
Drew Pickles: [shocked; turns to Stu] He what?
Rex Pester: Share your pain.
[Drew, completely red in the face and gritting his teeth with rage, leaps at Stu screaming; Stu's horrified face is reflected in Drew's glasses; Drew tackles him to the ground and bends his left arm backwards]
Stu Pickles: You're breaking my arm!
Drew Pickles: Only 'cause I can't reach your neck! You moronic idiot!
Rex Pester: [as the adults seperate Stu and Drew] And there you have it: Two sour Pickles and...
[sadly; deliberately mispronounces the babies' names as he shows the photos]
Rex Pester: ... young Tammy, baby Dale, the twins Bill and Jill, little Chunky, and poor Amelia, all vanished without a trace.
[happily; throws the photos away]
Rex Pester: I'm Rex Pester, and I'll be back with more Big Action news!

Charlotte Pickles: [pats Didi's belly with her phone] How's our little man?
Didi Pickles: [rubs her belly] I told you, Charlotte, Dr. Lipschitz says it's a girl.
Betty DeVille: Ha! That windbag thought Phil and Lil were intestinal gas!
Miriam Pickles: Face it, Dolly. Ridin' high it's a guy!
Charlotte Pickles: Well, you know what they say: "Born under Venus, look for a--"
[her phone rings]
Charlotte Pickles: Hello?
[walks away]
Didi Pickles: Now, now, Dr. Lipschitz is the expert. I don't see any of *you* with a PhD in Latin.
Betty DeVille: Yeah. *Pig* Latin, maybe. Well, let's just hope for Tommy's sake it's a girl. I'd hate to think how much my pups would be squabbling if *they* were both boys.
Didi Pickles: Ah, ah, ah! Let's not do any gender stereotyping. After all, Stu and Drew are brothers, and *they* get along just fine.
[cut to the basement]
Stu Pickles: Pushy!
Drew Pickles: Lazy!
Stu Pickles: Bossy!
Drew Pickles: Inconsiderate!
Stu Pickles: Nosey!
Drew Pickles: Good-for-nothin'!
Stu Pickles: Busybody!
Stu Pickles, Drew Pickles: Why can't you listen to me?

Rex Pester: A truckload of babies and a pet horse lost in the woods. Our hearts go out to their grief-stricken parents.
Stu Pickles: Agh, look out!
Rex Pester: Mr. Pickles, now look what you've done? Are you out of your mind? Get off!
Stu Pickles: WHOA!
Rex Pester: And I never won an Emmy!
[the helicopter crashes]
Stu Pickles: Oops.
[drops the equipment]
Stu Pickles: I'm coming, Tommy. I'm coming, Dil.

Stu Pickles: The Reptar Corporation is holding a toy design contest, & the winner gets five hundred dollars.
Drew Pickles: [sarcastically] Oooooooh.
Stu Pickles: And there'll be plenty more if this toy's a hit - & I'll be famous!
Drew Pickles: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said when you built that stupid thing.
[points to Dactar]
Stu Pickles: Well, maybe Dactar was a bit complex, but this... this, watch.
[turns on a tape recorder and grabs a microphone]
Stu Pickles: I am Reptar, hear me roar!
Reptar Wagon: [deep, menacing playback on the tape recorder] I AM REPTAR! HEAR ME ROAR.
[the nostrils blow out flames]

Stu Pickles: [walks out of the basement whilst talking on the phone] Deed, just go to the spa and relax. Pop and I are doing fine taking care of the, uh--
[notices the crate is gone; lowers the phone]
Stu Pickles: Pop, wh-where's the crate?
Lou Pickles: [wakes up in his rocking chair and reads the receipt] Oh, I-I guess the delivery folks must've come.
Stu Pickles: Wow! They loaded her up and everything, huh?
Didi Pickles: [over the phone] Stu! Let me talk to Tommy.
Stu Pickles: Sure, I'll let you talk to Tommy. Uh--
[notices Tommy's not there; holds the phone against his chest]
Stu Pickles: Pop, uh...
[looks around frantically]
Stu Pickles: Where are the kids?
Lou Pickles: [stands up and shrugs] That's funny. They were here a minute ago, playin' in the, uh...
[they turn to see the front door wide open]
Stu Pickles, Lou Pickles: The crate!
Stu Pickles: [picks up the phone] Ah, honey! I'm gonna have to call you back.
[hangs up and shoots his father an angry look]

[Dil keeps crying in four in the morning]
Stu Pickles: [exhausted] Oh, for the love of Pete. What do you want from us? What? What?
[Stu lays on the floor with Dil. An American flag is waving on the TV]
Didi Pickles: [looks in the Lipschitz book] Oh, there must be something in here we missed. Somewhere, somehow, something!
Stu Pickles: There must be. Let me see here!
[grabs the book from Didi and looks inside]
Stu Pickles: "Cats, colic, Creole baby food..." Oh yeah, here it is. "Crying. Although a baby's crying signifies a disruption in the infant-parent matrix, the good-enough parent pacifies the infant during this period of primary narcissism, foregoing their own needs, sublim-, sublimating, sublimating all their own needs too."
[Stu and Didi begin to fall asleep]

Stu Pickles: I'm sorry about all this, Drew.
Drew Pickles: It's all right, little brother. For a nincompoop, you're not half bad.

Stu Pickles: [looks in a closet] Tommy!
Lou Pickles: [looks under a sofa with a torch] Sprouts?
Stu Pickles: [opens the basement door] Dil!
Lou Pickles: [opens a cookie jar] Angelica?
Stu Pickles: [opens the cupboard under the kitchen sink] Where can they be? We gotta find them!
Didi Pickles: [walking into the kitchen carrying grocery bags] Find what?
[Stu gasps, bangs his head on a pipe and stands up with a nervous smile]
Lou Pickles: Einstein here lost the kids!
Stu Pickles: *I* lost the kids?
Lou Pickles: See?
[Didi gasps and drops the bags; groceries spill all over the floor]

Angelica Pickles: Hi, Uncle Stu. Sorry to hear your pony was slow.
Stu Pickles: We don't *have* a pony, Angelica.
Angelica Pickles: [to Drew] Then how come you told Mommy Aunt Didi got saddled with a loser?
[Drew gasps]
Stu Pickles: [wheels around on Drew] "Loser"?
Drew Pickles: [nervously] He... He... I...
Stu Pickles: [hears Tommy and Dil crying] Excuse me, bro, my "tax deductions" are crying!
[slams door]
Drew Pickles: [reopens door] YA CAN'T DEDUCT 'EM IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INCOME!
[slams door, but it reopens a tad]

[Stu's car speeds along the road]
Stu Pickles: [angrily to Lou] How could you fall asleep when you were supposed to be watching the kids?
[Lou is fast asleep in the passenger seat]