Gregg Berger credited as playing...
Cutthroat Bill
- Guybrush Threepwood: How'd you break into the hairstyling industry?
- Cutthroat Bill: I saw an ad to join a barbershop quartet. Got a problem with that?
- Guybrush Threepwood: No! That must be very rewarding work.
- Cutthroat Bill: What's that supposed to mean?
- Guybrush Threepwood: Mean? Just that... you know, cutting hair, and, err, singing must be just... a lot of fun.
- Cutthroat Bill: It's like a party every day. Some days I just don't know how to contain my joy. I get giddy, and the laughter bubbles out of me like a sparkling fountain of mirth and gaiety.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Okay, new topic...
- [the pirates' song, "A Pirate I Was Meant to Be", begins]
- Haggis McMutton: We're a band of vicious pirates!
- Edward Van Helgen: A sailin' out to sea.
- Cutthroat Bill: When you hear our gentle singing...
- Haggis McMutton: You'll be sure to turn and flee!
- Guybrush Threepwood: Oh, this is just ridiculous.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Come on, men! We've got to recover that map!
- Cutthroat Bill: That pirate will be done for, when he falls into our trap! / We're a club of tuneful rovers!
- Haggis McMutton: We can sing in every clef!
- Edward Van Helgen: We can even hit the high notes!
- Haggis McMutton: It's just too bad we're tone deaf!
- [to chorus]
- [chorus]
- Edward Van Helgen, Haggis McMutton, Cutthroat Bill: A pirate I was meant to be! / Trim the sails and roam the sea!
- Guybrush Threepwood: Let's go defeat that evil pirate!
- Edward Van Helgen: We know he's sure to lose, 'cause we know just where to fire at! / We're thieving balladeers.
- Haggis McMutton: A gang of cutthroat mugs.
- Cutthroat Bill: To fight us off ye don't need guns!
- Edward Van Helgen: Just jolly good ear plugs!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: All right, crew, let's get to work!
- Haggis McMutton: Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we'd never shirk. / We'll fight you in the harbor.
- Cutthroat Bill: We'll battle you on land.
- Edward Van Helgen: But when you meet singing pirates...
- Guybrush Threepwood: They'll be more than you can stand.
- Cutthroat Bill: Ooooh! That was a good one!
- Guybrush Threepwood: No, it wasn't.
- Guybrush Threepwood: No time for song! We've got to move!
- Cutthroat Bill: The battle will be long, but our courage we will prove! / We're a pack a' scurvy sea dogs.
- Haggis McMutton: Have we pity? Not a dram!
- Edward Van Helgen: We all eat roasted garlic...
- Haggis McMutton: ...then sing from the diaphragm!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: Less singing, more sailing.
- Edward Van Helgen: When we defeat our wicked foe, his ship he will be bailing!
- Cutthroat Bill: If ye try ta fight us...
- Haggis McMutton: ...you will get a nasty whackin'!
- Edward Van Helgen: If ya disrespect our singing...
- Cutthroat Bill: ...we will feed ya to a kraken!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'm getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming.
- Haggis McMutton: We're ready to set sail, through the cannons need a priming.
- Edward Van Helgen: We're troublesome corsairs!
- Cutthroat Bill: And we've come to steal your treasures!
- Haggis McMutton: We would shoot you on the downbeat...
- Edward Van Helgen: ...but we have to rest five measures.
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: Stop! Stop! Stop!
- Cutthroat Bill: The brass is what we'll polish and the deck is what we'll mop.
- Guybrush Threepwood: You say you're nasty pirates, / scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers? / From what I've seen I tell you, / you're not pirates! You're just slackers!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange.
- Haggis McMutton: And...!... um...
- Cutthroat Bill: Well...
- Edward Van Helgen: ...er...
- Cutthroat Bill: Door hinge?
- Edward Van Helgen: No, no...
- Cutthroat Bill: Guess the song's over, then.
- Haggis McMutton: Guess so.
- Edward Van Helgen: Okay, back to work.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Well gee. I feel a little guilty, now.