Dominic Armato credited as playing...
Guybrush Threepwood
- Guybrush Threepwood: How can you see without eyeballs?
- Murray: How can you walk around without a brain? Some things no one can answer.
- Murray: I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike!
- Guybrush Threepwood: 'Stride?'
- Murray: All right then, 'ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell.' Must you take the fun out of everything?
- Guybrush Threepwood: You're about as fearsome as a doorstop.
- Murray: Is it a really EVIL-looking doorstop?
- Guybrush Threepwood: [sighs] Never mind.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Do you know anything about lifting curses?
- Murray: Oh, right. I know a lot about lifting curses. That's why I'm a disembodied talking skull sitting on top of a spike in the middle of a swamp.
- Guybrush Threepwood: You seem bitter.
- Murray: I'm sorry. It's been a rough day.
- Guybrush Threepwood: How'd you break into the hairstyling industry?
- Cutthroat Bill: I saw an ad to join a barbershop quartet. Got a problem with that?
- Guybrush Threepwood: No! That must be very rewarding work.
- Cutthroat Bill: What's that supposed to mean?
- Guybrush Threepwood: Mean? Just that... you know, cutting hair, and, err, singing must be just... a lot of fun.
- Cutthroat Bill: It's like a party every day. Some days I just don't know how to contain my joy. I get giddy, and the laughter bubbles out of me like a sparkling fountain of mirth and gaiety.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Okay, new topic...
- Captain Blondebeard: Madre de Dios! Es el Pollo Diablo!
- Guybrush Threepwood: [as El Pollo Diablo] !Sí He dejado en libertad los prisioneros y ahora vengo por ti!
- Captain Blondebeard: Well, yer not gettin' me without a fight!
- Cabana Boy: Let me see your membership card and I'll let you through!
- Guybrush Threepwood: You don't need to see my identification.
- Cabana Boy: I don't need to see your identification.
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'm not the pirate you're looking for.
- Cabana Boy: You're not the pirate I'm looking for.
- Guybrush Threepwood: I can go about my business.
- Cabana Boy: You can go about your business.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Move along.
- Cabana Boy: Move along, move along... hey! Your mind tricks won't work on me, boy!
- Edward Van Helgen: What! You shot my banjo!
- Guybrush Threepwood: You can't be sure of that. That shot may have come from the grassy knoll.
- Haggis McMutton: Me given name is 'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal McMutton.'
- Guybrush Threepwood: Oh, so your parents were expecting a girl, then.
- Haggis McMutton: Aye.
- Guybrush Threepwood: You can count on me, Wally. Just as soon as I defeat LeChuck, rescue Elaine, set all the monkeys free, and ride the Madly Rotating Buccaneer, I'll come back to release you.
- Murray: Something tells me you're not taking me very seriously.
- Guybrush Threepwood: No, no I am.
- Murray: Then let me hear you scream in terror.
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'm too scared to say anything.
- Murray: Ha ha!
- [laughs evilly]
- Guybrush Threepwood: [after you try and combine the nail with the magnet] Neat, a magnetic nail, completely worthless, but neat.
- Guybrush Threepwood: [when you try to use slippery hand lotion other than for the correct purpose] I don't wanna lubricate that!
- [the pirates' song, "A Pirate I Was Meant to Be", begins]
- Haggis McMutton: We're a band of vicious pirates!
- Edward Van Helgen: A sailin' out to sea.
- Cutthroat Bill: When you hear our gentle singing...
- Haggis McMutton: You'll be sure to turn and flee!
- Guybrush Threepwood: Oh, this is just ridiculous.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Come on, men! We've got to recover that map!
- Cutthroat Bill: That pirate will be done for, when he falls into our trap! / We're a club of tuneful rovers!
- Haggis McMutton: We can sing in every clef!
- Edward Van Helgen: We can even hit the high notes!
- Haggis McMutton: It's just too bad we're tone deaf!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: Let's go defeat that evil pirate!
- Edward Van Helgen: We know he's sure to lose, 'cause we know just where to fire at! / We're thieving balladeers.
- Haggis McMutton: A gang of cutthroat mugs.
- Cutthroat Bill: To fight us off ye don't need guns!
- Edward Van Helgen: Just jolly good ear plugs!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: All right, crew, let's get to work!
- Haggis McMutton: Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we'd never shirk. / We'll fight you in the harbor.
- Cutthroat Bill: We'll battle you on land.
- Edward Van Helgen: But when you meet singing pirates...
- Guybrush Threepwood: They'll be more than you can stand.
- Cutthroat Bill: Ooooh! That was a good one!
- Guybrush Threepwood: No, it wasn't.
- Guybrush Threepwood: No time for song! We've got to move!
- Cutthroat Bill: The battle will be long, but our courage we will prove! / We're a pack a' scurvy sea dogs.
- Haggis McMutton: Have we pity? Not a dram!
- Edward Van Helgen: We all eat roasted garlic...
- Haggis McMutton: ...then sing from the diaphragm!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: Less singing, more sailing.
- Edward Van Helgen: When we defeat our wicked foe, his ship he will be bailing!
- Cutthroat Bill: If ye try ta fight us...
- Haggis McMutton: ...you will get a nasty whackin'!
- Edward Van Helgen: If ya disrespect our singing...
- Cutthroat Bill: ...we will feed ya to a kraken!
- [to chorus]
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'm getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming.
- Haggis McMutton: We're ready to set sail, through the cannons need a priming.
- Edward Van Helgen: We're troublesome corsairs!
- Cutthroat Bill: And we've come to steal your treasures!
- Haggis McMutton: We would shoot you on the downbeat...
- Edward Van Helgen: ...but we have to rest five measures.
- [to chorus]