Kevin Heffernan credited as playing...
Farva
- Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'll pistol whip the next guy who says "Shenanigans."
- Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
- Farva: You mean Shenanigans?
- Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- [as they offer the Captain their pistols]
- Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
- Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
- Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
- [into mic]
- Dimpus Burger Guy: Don't spit in that cop's burger.
- Farva: Yeah, thanks.
- Second Dimpus Guy: Roger, holding the spit.
- Farva: Gimme a pie... apple.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: Want me to hold the spit? Hah, just kidding officer Farva.
- [pause]
- Dimpus Burger Guy: Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?
- Farva: Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?
- Dimpus Burger Guy: It's only 25 cents, and look how much more you get.
- Thorny: Look, kid, he doesn't want it.
- Farva: I can handle this, Thorn. I don't want it!
- Dimpus Burger Guy: Uhh, right. Beverage?
- Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: What?
- Farva: [Annoyed] A litre o' cola.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola?
- Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva?
- Farva: I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!
- Dimpus Burger Guy: [to Farva] I don't know what that is!
- Farva: [slowly starts shouting] Litre is French for...
- [grabs burger kid by shirt]
- Farva: ... give me my fuckin' cola before I break VOUS FUCKIN' LIP!
- Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions.
- Farva: Cap'n... you know I'm not a pro-union guy.
- [Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's]
- Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
- Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker!
- Mac: *Awesome* prank, Farva.
- Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac!
- Captain O'Hagan: Look, fellas...
- Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook! You'll make him look like a dick!
- Rabbit: Nah...
- Captain O'Hagan: Every Thursday night I walk into the lodge to play Hearts...
- [Mac persists in goading Rabbit as O'Hagan continues]
- Mac: Seriously, rook, bite it. Do it. Don't be a wuss!
- Captain O'Hagan: ...and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there...
- Mac: Don't be a wuss, bite it!
- Captain O'Hagan: ...I like that. I like it here...
- Mac: Bite it. Bite it!
- Captain O'Hagan: [Fed up] Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!
- [He grabs the soap, takes a bite, and spits it at Mac]
- Farva: Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her... I guess you could say that about all my girls.
- Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.
- Farva: It's powdered sugar.
- Police Chief Grady: The lice hate the sugar.
- Farva: [deadpanning] It's delicious.
- Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.
- Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.
- Farva: I'd buy a ten million dollar car.
- Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over.
- Farva: Bull Shit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away.
- [Farva pulls off ticket from cup and pop spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]
- Farva: Dammit, you burger punk. You son of a bitch!
- Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: What?
- Farva: A litre o' cola.
- Thorny: Just order a large, Farva.
- Farva: I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: I don't know what that is.
- Farva: Litre is French for give me some fucking cola before I break vous fucking lips!
- Thorny: [upon seeing Farva in a local cop uniform] What the fuck, Farva!
- Captain O'Hagan: What are you doing wearing that uniform in my station?
- Farva: Looks who's talking 'Denim Dan'! You look like the President and CEO of Levi-Strauss!
- Rabbit: See, a lot of drug dealers use stickers to mark their products. Like a brand name.
- Farva: See? Where'd you learn that, Cheech? Drug school?
- Captain O'Hagan: Shut up, Farva.
- [to Rabbit]
- Captain O'Hagan: Did that bag you pulled off these College kids have that sticker?
- Rabbit: Uummm...
- [secretly looks at a bag he hid in his pocket]
- Rabbit: I don't believe it did.