Steve Lemme credited as playing...
Mac
- Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'll pistol whip the next guy who says "Shenanigans."
- Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
- Farva: You mean Shenanigans?
- Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- [as they offer the Captain their pistols]
- [Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play]
- Mac: All right, how about "Cat Game?"
- Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
- Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
- Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'
- [Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
- Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
- Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
- [the man hands him his license]
- Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
- [Mac ticks off two fingers]
- Larry Johnson: Sorry.
- [the man laughs a little]
- Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
- Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
- Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
- [pause]
- Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
- Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
- Foster: Am I saying meow?
- [Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
- Larry Johnson: I thought...
- Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
- [man laughs]
- Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
- Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
- Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
- [Mac is gut-busting laughing]
- Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
- [feigned anger]
- Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
- Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6)
- Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
- Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law.
- [rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
- Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
- Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)
- Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had.
- Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now.
- Mac: Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man.
- Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked.
- [fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass]
- Captain O'Hagan: And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
- Mac: Thanks, Chief!
- [Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's]
- Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
- Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker!
- Mac: *Awesome* prank, Farva.
- Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac!
- Captain O'Hagan: Look, fellas...
- Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook! You'll make him look like a dick!
- Rabbit: Nah...
- Captain O'Hagan: Every Thursday night I walk into the lodge to play Hearts...
- [Mac persists in goading Rabbit as O'Hagan continues]
- Mac: Seriously, rook, bite it. Do it. Don't be a wuss!
- Captain O'Hagan: ...and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there...
- Mac: Don't be a wuss, bite it!
- Captain O'Hagan: ...I like that. I like it here...
- Mac: Bite it. Bite it!
- Captain O'Hagan: [Fed up] Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!
- [He grabs the soap, takes a bite, and spits it at Mac]
- Captain O'Hagan: Did you guys put in for any transfers yet?
- Mac: I applied for a guard job - at the post office.
- [collective groan]
- Thorny: Hey, you'll finally be able to shoot someone.
- Captain O'Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station?
- Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!