The Tony Blair Witch Project

In this frightening shockumentary, a group of film critics and Tony Blair himself(!) venture into the dangerous outskirts of West Virginian hick territory to uncover the doubted existence of a mysterious "Tony Blair Witch." During a heartfelt homage (or just straight-up theft) of Cannibal Holocaust, a nutty professor treats us to the rare footage and scary behind-the-scenes adventures of this motley crue of cut-throats and thespian hacks. The retards participating in this excursion, who collectively possess about half the intelligence of the cast of Jackass (and half the balls), roam the countryside breaking windows in a ghost town while discussing the cinematic integrity of American-made Francois Truffaut films. How such behavior would elicit the attention of a mythical ghost is beyond this viewer's comprehension. I can only imagine they were trying to tick it off so it would run out and kick Mike's butt which is what I wanted to do after he forced me to watch this turd.

From a technical standpoint, this cinematic equivalent to cancer is wrong on every possible level. Windows are broken off-screen, accents are dropped on a whim and clothing changes from scene to scene, this being one of the few redeeming aspects of the entire show as it distracted for two milliseconds from the ADD-raddled, Parkinson-diseased cameraman who was literally making me nauseous after three minutes of his Michael Bay shaky-cam nonsense. As for editing, I always wanted to see what 30fps NTSC video would look like being tricked into 25fps. The result was not worth the wait. And the pacing...oh the pacing. Shots do not linger or dwell for atmospheric purposes, they break the void of time and space and suspend in the air like worthless amoebas existing for the sole sake of being. Honestly, this flick is paced like a block of cheddar cheese moving through the bowels of a 70-year-old platypus. How anyone in the editing room let this abomination of a cut pass is beyond any logical explanation and I refuse to listen to it. (I would have assumed the whole project didn't even go through an editing program, but a couple of unconvincing muzzle flashes proved me wrong.) Mike Martinez fares best in the cast with his accent being the most authentic and consistent, but when compared to the other bozos on screen (now working at McDonald's and Wendy's respectively) this is faint praise. I may as well be comparing the performance to dog crap. The movie is evil in that it tricks you into thinking it's over, but then some rednecks show up and we have to watch another thirty minutes of fake punches, high school play acting and just balls-out buffoonery. One actor throws up with a cup of green jello plainly visible in his hand. I mean, c'mon, this is just sloppy! I'm trying to think of something good to say, but I really can't. Truly a movie that lives up to its reputation.

well, it didn't make me as nauseous as the original:)

a group of film makers venture into the grenn inferno of West Virginia to shoot a documentary-they never come back.

how many sickening scenes of window breaking and underage drinking can you stand?

this Blair Witch/Cannibal Holocaust rip off, directed by Alaskan mad man Mike Martinez is, although maybe a bit overlong, hilarious and much more entertaining than the original Blair Witch.

i guess Mike and his buddies were sitting around in their igloo trying to think of something that sounded like "The Blair Witch Project" and the first thing they thought of was "The Tony Blair Witch Project." for those of you who don't know (like me ) Ton Blair is the prime minister of England (i think) and he along with some chums travel to the states to capture the tony blair witch on tape. they don't of course, but the pay off is pretty damn good. after running aound in an abandoned house for like 45 minutes, the group are ambushed by rednecks, in a cross between Deleverance, Nightmare City, and Cannibal Holocaust.

a fun piece of trash, and Martinez shows promise as a director.

The Witch project spawned so many imitators. The joke of using British Prime Minister Tony Blair is the seed of this parody. They needed to take the idea further than that which they fail to do. During the course of the action as ideas dry up they use a series of smashing up a ghost town they have reached on the far side of the wood. Thus is staged with drunken insults at one another continued with m bad effects of breaking glass and wood occurring off screen giving the whole thing complete incompetence in terms of editing. This is hilarious. Thw Canadian director Martinez is a modern ED WOOD but know s his limitations and plays them up to comic effect. As a homage to Wood and his style, the group who are looking for the Tony Blair Witch are accompanied the whole time by Martinez wearing a Tony Blair mask. The Witch is in West Virginia where the gang confront rednecks: a Canadians comment on the supporters of Blair and Bush. This has received many bad reviews because of its technical incompetence. But its a guerrilla film and as such its the content and the parody that the director is interested in and eschews film technique.

There is so much philosophy behind the movie it could take hours to build up the subplots and inter-related character development. But, it is suffice to say, anyone taking the time to see this movie will be truly rewarded. Perhaps the most important aspect is that what was originally intended to be vague actually spelled out the whole plot without revealing the true message. I was intrigued how the background of the mystery kept changing with every new twist of expectation. This movie will set a very high water mark for future Bitch of Blair Valley episodes. But, I welcome them and am hoping for more in the same vane as this one.