Derek Hamilton credited as playing...
Pig Pen
- Eric Montclare: Welcome to your first random drug test!
- Pigpen: I don't have to write a test to tell you I do drugs...
- Pig Pen: [nervously] Hello Inga. I've never been a man of words, but there's something I have to say to you. Inga, I've loved you from the first time that I saw you, and I love you more than any man's ever loved a woman that he's never actually spoken to. I'm only gonna offer this once. Inga, will you... have sex with me?
- [long pause]
- Inga: Nothing would piss off my stepfather more. Let's do this!
- Stumpy: Oh you foolish foolish boys. This is how it all starts. I've seen it all before. I was there. I was there. Yeah! It was called the 80's! Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bumming in a hole in the wall town in what is now called "Utah". Some fellow from Colorado shows up- starts making all kinds of so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets were running us with lattes!
- Rick: No?
- Stumpy: Yup!... It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster! Maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, is uncouth, "Against God!" and bad for real estate values. STUMPY HAD TO GOOOO! Richard, be careful what you wish for.
- Rick: You got it Stump
- Stumpy: Be careful what you wish for!
- Rick: I will
- Stumpy: Alright?
- [slams knife down onto table but into his own hand]
- Rick: GOD!
- Stumpy: [voice straining] I'm good
- Pigpen: [nonchalantly] You better put something on that
- Stumpy: [Walks away straining]
- Pigpen: Here's what I don't get, alright, is you met this chick and you got freaky-deaky with her and then poof. She disappears. How's there a problem with that?
- Doorman: Get outta here!
- Pig Pen: I'm gonna take Kung-Fu and kick you're friggen ass! We'll have the party at our place... We don't need their fancy-smancy gent and their blue ropes!
- [Pig Pen and Anthony run back to the door and grab the blue ropes]
- Pigpen: [holding Luke's head] Im gonna need a bucket, a paint brush, and ten pounds of salt. Lance, get his pants.