Cameron Diaz: Christina

The Sweetest Thing

Christina

Courtney: How could you not know what a glory hole is?
Christina: Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms.

Christina: Wanna hear some poetry? There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!

Christina: You're too big to fit in here...
[covers her front]
Courtney: Too big to fit in HERE...
[smacks butt]
Courtney: OW! Unh!
Jane: Too big to fit in here...
[covers mouth and moans]
Christina: [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things] Oh, my God!
Courtney: Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] What a lovely ride
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac!
Courtney: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.
Courtney: And when it makes delivery...
Christina: It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!

Christina: [Reading] Follow the yellow brick road? Huh! I'm following the yellow brick road... following the yellow brick...
Christina: [Comes across a picture of a dog with a hole in its mouth, she gasps] MUFFY! You look like my old doggy Muffy! What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth?
[more seriously]
Christina: What do you got in there?
[looks into the hole]
Man in the Glory Hole: Surprise!

[while holding her breasts]
Christina: You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22...
Courtney: Buy some new ones!

Voice: There's someone in here.
Christina: Sorry.
Voice: It might be a while.
Christina: How long?
Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!
Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?

Christina: I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on!

[Courtney and Christina look at reflection of themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes]
Christina, Courtney: These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"!
Christina: *This* is not discreet, okay?
Courtney: [chuckling] No, it isn't.
Christina: We are not gonna be able to walk into a wedding...
Courtney: Oh, come on, it's *very* La Toya Jackson.
Christina: [as the wind blows off her hat and she chases after it] I mean, really, look at all this, I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "Stalker." I am not going there wearing this outfit So can we please just go?
Courtney: Yes, let's go. Let's go home.
Christina: Really?
Courtney: Yeah. I mean, we've driven for three and a half hours and everything, but, no, let's go.

Christina, Courtney: Jane! JANEYYY!
Jane: Sorry you guys, I'm really busy and...
Christina, Courtney: Hey, wait, Jane
[they begin singing]
Christina, Courtney: "Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain...?"
Jane: [Watches her boyfriend in his mascot outfit topple down a flight of stairs] ... shit!

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All Singing] What a lovely ride!
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac
Jane: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!
Christina: And when it makes delivery...
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] It needs its own zipcode
Christina: Nine-Double Zero, Penis!

Courtney: [as Jane arrives] Hi, honey.
Christina: Hi. How did it go?
Jane: Fine. No problem.
Christina: Good.
Courtney: So, did we have fun last night?
Jane: Yes, I did. It was great. You guys were absolutely right. A transition guy was just what I needed.
Christina: Good. How was he? Was he good?
Jane: He was very... sweet and complimentary. And very into pleasing me first.
Courtney: So how was, uh, how was girth?
Jane: Average-ish.
Christina: Average-ish. That's good. So, what did you tell him?
Jane: What do you mean?
Courtney: What do we always tell them no matter what?
Jane: Oh.
[goes through fake repertoire]
Jane: Oh! My God! Your penis is so... *big!*
Courtney: *Good girl.*
[chuckles]
Christina: [holding glass like it's the real thing] Your penis is so *thick!*
Courtney: [does her thing holding a flower vase as well] Oh! Your penis is so pretty!
Christina, Courtney, Jane: [Jane picks up glass as well] Oh! You got a handsome dick!
[Jane even licks her glass]
Christina: Your penis is so... *hard!*
[pretends to have orgasm]
Courtney: Your penis is just so... *large!*
Christina: My body is a movie...
Christina, Courtney, Jane: ...and your penis is the *star!*

Peter: Maybe we should start over again. Why don't I walk by and you kinda grab me like you did before?
Christina: I did not grab you!
Peter: You totally grabbed me!