Seth Green: Danny Wax

America's Sweethearts

Danny Wax

Danny: You like Eddie, don't you?
Lee: I love him.
Danny: But you leaked the tape.
Lee: Survival rule number three, kid: You're not here to love anybody. You're here to promote a movie. That's it. Period. Say you're here and you get word that your mother died. You know, like, hit by a bus or something. You go downstairs, you shed a tear, and you say, "It's a shame. She would have loved this movie."

Lee: [on the phone] Hello, darling, can I have Holly Golightly's cottage, please?
Danny: Who's that?
Lee: It's Gwen's code name. It's from "Breakfast at Tiffany's".
Danny: Oh. What's that?
Lee: It's a movie, it's a great movie. Hepburn?
Danny: Right. Katharine.
[pause]
Lee: Let me tell you something. Don't tell anybody you're in the movie business. Okay? Thank you.

Lee: Okay, Siegfried and Roy just left the building. They're heading for the pool deck.
Danny: Siegfried and Roy are here?
Lee: No, not the real Siegfri... It's a code. *You* wanted to play this game, you little schmuck.

Lee: [on the phone] Hello? Hey, Gwen, it's Lee. Listen, I'm at the restaurant, and guess what? You're not! Are you okay?... Oh, that's too bad... No, no, Eddie's fine. He's with Kiki, and she looks unbelievable. It may be a little "hello, young lovers" for me, and I may have some fires to put out later, but hey, that's my problem, isn't it?... Have a nice night. Feel better. Okay. Bye.
[hangs up]
Lee: Five minutes.
Danny: You're amazing.
Lee: Take notes, kid.

Danny: Felix, this is Oscar. The monkey is in daycare. Repeat, the monkey is in daycare.

Lee: Did you cut this yourself?
Danny: Well, no, Chad in Marketing...
Lee: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Always take credit. That is survival rule number one.
Danny: Okay, yes, I did it on my Mac.
Lee: Rule number two: Don't take credit until someone actually says they like what you did. It's not bad.

Lee: Now, we have to keep the press entertained and on the go. The best junkets are the ones where the press thinks it's a weekend not about the movie, but about them. So we have to program the shit out of them: cocktail parties, hayrides, circle jerks. Whatever you have to do to keep them from remembering they haven't seen the movie they're there to review. What are we doing for gifts?
Danny: Oh, uh, the movie's about a cop traveling through time, so l did a gun.
Lee: You're giving members of the press a gun?
Danny: Well, no, it's not real...
Lee: [rolls his eyes] We'll do a bag, a really nice bag. Call Sol, the bag man. Diamond earrings for the ladies, money clips for the men. Move it, Gail! Chocolate truffles, the best perfume.