Edward Norton credited as playing...
Sheldon Mopes • Smoochy the Rhino
- Sheldon: [singing] He slams the door He stomps his feet He sends me to bed with zilch to eat But my stepdad's not mean he's just adjusting.
- Burke: It's all about the dough, Shel. Once you get the money, you get the power. Once you get the power, you can have Smoochy walk out there with a dildo strapped to his head if you want.
- Sheldon: [long pause] I don't think I've thought of that idea specifically, but I? I do see where you're going with this.
- Randolph: Didn't she tell you of the love we once had. Passionate yet tender, old-fashioned yet experimental.
- Sheldon: Randolph, you have lost your mind.
- Randolph: Oh, enlighten the lad, Nora. You were such a hot little brood mare, does the bridle still fit?
- Sheldon: Hey, watch your mouth mister!
- Nora: What experiments? I've had firmer handshakes, ya drunk.
- Randolph: Please, it's small but, it's fierce!
- Randolph: What about Wally the Whale?
- Sheldon: Laura, how could you do it with Wally the Whale?
- Randolph: There she blows!
- Sheldon: I don't believe this is happening. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this.
- Nora: Listen, Sheldon, I'm not proud of it but, there was a time in my life when I was a bit of a kiddie host groupie.
- Nora: I'm telling you, Stokes cut some kind of deal with Buggy for the Smoochy slot
- Sheldon: Wait a minute, Buggy Ding-Dong? The host of "Buggy's Bumpy Railroad"?
- Nora: Yeah, until he discovered the joys of Turkish black mule heroin.
- Sheldon: That doesn't make any sense. Why would Stokes want to replace Smoochy with some smack addict?
- Nora: I don't know.
- Sheldon: Oh, man. Someone toss me a beach towel, cause my head is swimmin'!
- [Tommy Kotter is at a funeral after Spinner Dunn was murdered]
- Tommy: Don't forget, this hit was meant for you, Shel. So from now on, wherever you go, we go.
- Sheldon: I'll be fine.
- Tommy: Fine nothing! As Christ is my witness, no one is touching a hair on your fucking head! Spinner would have wanted it that way. Okay boys, let's all pray and get shit-faced.
- Tommy: Sometimes in this life, a man's gotta answer for his indiscretions!
- [the scene transitions to when the mob had Merv Green tied to a chair]
- Merv Green: It was a mistake! An honest mistake! I was just trying to help the children!
- Tommy: Oh, so you like kids, eh?
- Merv Green: Oh, sure!
- Tommy: Oh, then I bet you know some fairy tales then.
- Merv Green: Yeah!
- Tommy: Hey, Danny, tell him the one about the worthless prick that gets his head chopped off with an axe!
- Merv Green: [Danny pulls out an axe and approaches him] No! No! NOOOOOOOOO!
- [You see a shadow of Danny lowering the axe at Merv Green and transitions back to now where Sheldon looks horrified]
- Sheldon: I don't think I feel so good about this all of a sudden, Tommy.
- Danny: Then we took his head and played a little...
- Sheldon: Okay, that's... way more information than I'd like to have at this point, thanks.
- Sheldon: Has anyone ever suggested that maybe a little yoga, maybe a high colonic or two could loosen you up a lot?
- Spinner Dunn: My name is Moochy.
- Sheldon: I think we've established that.
- Spinner Dunn: Sheldon this costume is making my nuts itch.