Jackie Chan credited as playing...
Lee
- James Carter: Who died, Lee?
- Lee: You!
- James Carter: Detective Yu?
- Lee: Not Yu, you!
- James Carter: Who?
- Lee: You!
- James Carter: Who?
- Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
- James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth.
- Lee: Let me tell you something about Asians, we never panic.
- James Carter: Oh yeah, when Godzilla be coming, y'all be trippin': "Giaca! Giaca!"
- Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
- James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
- [in Cantonese]
- Kenny: [pointing to Carter] Why are you hangin' out with 7-11?
- Lee: 7-11?
- Kenny: Because his mouth never closes.
- Lee: Oh!
- [laughing]
- James Carter: [in English] Hey! I heard that! I heard that. Don't be talkin' 'bout me, Man.
- [Carter attempted to speak Chinese to everybody but had no idea what he said]
- James Carter: What did I just say?
- Lee: You just ask everybody to pick up their Samurai swords and shave your butt.
- Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, *I* am Michael Jackson and *you* are Toto.
- James Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate for dinner last night!
- [during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
- James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man!
- Lee: Carter!
- James Carter: All y'all look alike!
- James Carter: Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?
- Lee: I did.
- James Carter: No you did not!
- Lee: I said "mmm!"
- James Carter: What the hell is "mmm! mmm!"
- Lee: mmm, mmm. Bomb!
- [Carter tried to pick up two girls in Chinese]
- James Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
- Lee: You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat.
- James Carter: Which word was 'goat'?
- James Carter: Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us.
- Lee: They will torture us for three days.
- James Carter: Okay, I can handle that.
- Lee: Then they will cut off our eggrolls.
- James Carter: Cut off our eggrolls? Hell no! Lets get the hell outta here! C'mon man, don't give up!
- James Carter: Secret Service Agent James Carter, I like the sound of it. Won't be long before I'm in Washington D.C. protectin' the President.
- Lee: We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else.
- James Carter: Yeah but they don't know that.
- Lee: I'm sorry.
- James Carter: You sorry? I got somebodies old chopsticks stuck up my ass and all you gotta say to me is you sorry?
- [outtake, cell phone rings and Tucker answers]
- James Carter: Hello? I'm filming man. Call me back at 7... I'm filming, I'm looking at Jackie Chan dead in his eye. Call me back.
- Lee: [pointing at the camera] We're on a... We're...
- James Carter: Call me back!
- Lee: Are you a professional? We are filming and you turn on your phone?
- James Carter: No, you can't speak to Jackie Chan.
- [crew laughter]
- James Carter: No! They want to speak to you, Jackie.
- Lee: [Tucker hands the phone to Jackie] Hello?
- James Carter: I'm sorry about this.
- Lee: We're... We're filming right now!
- [crew laughter]
- Lee: You're sorry? You wasted all our film!
- James Carter: [Takes phone back] Call me back later, 7 o'clock!
- [Tucker hangs up, crew applause and laughter, Jackie points at Tucker]
- James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man.
- Lee: Follow the rich white man?
- James Carter: Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut.
- [Carter has just been hit on by the gay Versace Salesman]
- James Carter: Did you see that?
- Lee: He likes you.
- James Carter: I ain't shopping with you no more.
- James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother.
- Lee: She never even look at you.
- James Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly.
- Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
- James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.