Peter Fonda credited as playing...
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman
- Hank Dawson: So, where's your uglier half?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I left him out there to deal with Martinez.
- Hank Dawson: I'm gonna have to drag my ass all the way up there to investigate a double homicide?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: A man can't sit around all day drinkin' coffee.
- Hank Dawson: He can sure as hell try.
- [in a Greyhound bus station]
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: How much does it cost to ride the 'Hound to Minneapolis these days?
- Verla: Why, Stoney hon', you haven't been to the Twin Cities since Dolly Parton went, criminies, went from a C cup to a triple D.
- Charles: Where's the bathroom? Or do you guys just open the door and pee?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Down the hall, hang a left.
- Charles: Is there any soap?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Why? Plan to pee on your hand?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I don't like the way she's raising you.
- Charles: Oh? How's that?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Like a frail litter runt still suckin' hind tit.
- Charles: OK, I've got no idea what that means, but you can't talk to me like that.
- Charles: What's that smell?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Dirt. Wool. Grass... Life.
- Charles: All I smell is shit.
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Even up the reins. Drop your heels. Turn your knees inward.
- Charles: Hey, I've ridden a horse before! OK, it was "Virtual Saddle."
- Shuck: You know, we ought to be thinkin' about gettin' the kid back home, Stoney. He belongs to his mama. You can't turn him into a wooly boy in two hours.
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: You can't teach nobody nothin' around here.
- Charles: So where's Hidden Springs?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I'll know it when I see it.
- Shuck: Then we're all in big trouble, 'cause the old fart forgot his glasses.
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Skeleton trees. We head north.
- Charles: Skeleton trees? Bald rock, broke twig? This is how you guys get around?
- A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: The land has scars just like people. Helps you recognize where you are.
- Shuck: You gotta a better way?
- Charles: Yeah! Turn left at Burger King... if you hit Taco Bell, you've gone too far.