Larry Miller credited as playing...
Principal Elliot T. Jindraike
- School Nurse: Now can you tell me what came between McGoogles and your fears? Is it something from your past or somebody?
- Dobbs: [shouting] Keeble!
- Principal Jindraike: Keeble.
- Troy McGinty: ...Keeble.
- Principal Jindraike: You may be under the impression that I encourage horseplay and malarkey, you're wrong, I don't encourage it, I excourage it.
- Max: Excourage?
- Principal Jindraike: It means the opposite of encourage, look it up.
- Principal Jindraike: [on loud speaker] Attention, students!
- [students laugh]
- Principal Jindraike: It's because of yesterday's crimes against the school, instigated by your former classmate Max Keeble. The following extracurricular activities are now suspended: art, music, P.E... fun! Suspended, discontinued, defunct!
- Girl at Class: Great. Your boyfriend Max Keeble just got us hosed.
- Jenna: He's just my paperboy. I never really liked him.
- Principal Jindraike: [teachers laugh, then Jindraike turns around and sees the fake Max Keeble with a peace sign] Keeble!
- [waiting for Crazy Legs to arrive at the school]
- Principal Jindraike: Come on, you idiot.
- [instead, Crazy Legs has just arrived]
- Principal Jindraike: He's coming! He's coming!
- Principal Jindraike: [as he approaches the band] Straighten up, straighten up. Better. Ready? And...
- Supt. Bobby 'Crazy Legs' Knebworth: [the band then begins playing while Jindraike gets excited to see Crazy Legs] Oh, at last! At last! The moment we've all been waiting for. Crazy Legs. You look fit.
- Supt. Bobby 'Crazy Legs' Knebworth: Elliot. It's been too long.
- Principal Jindraike: I agree completely. Slip me that biscuit. Ooh, that's a hot one. OK, smile!
- [the photographers take a picture of Jindraike smiling while shaking hands with Crazy Legs]
- Principal Jindraike: I'm going to mete out a punishment to you that is so severe, future generations will refer to it as The Keeble. They will beg on bended knee. Oh, please, sir. Not the Keeble, sir. I swear I'll never misbehave again if you'll just spare me... the Keeble.
- Principal Jindraike: So the janitor has to work overtime for no pay. He should pay me for the privilege!
- [Jindraike and Crazy Legs arrive at the cafeteria]
- Principal Jindraike: Please believe me when I tell you... this is my gift to you.
- [students at the cafeteria are still throwing food at each other and the picture of Crazy Legs]
- Principal Jindraike: Cease!
- [students finally stop throwing food and Jindraike tries finding out what happened around the cafeteria, then turns around and looks at Crazy Legs]
- Principal Jindraike: Sir, I assure you, this behavior... is utterly without precedent. Plus, it never happened before. Who? Who started this? If the culprit does not step forward... this instant... swift and horrible retribution... awaits each and every one of you.
- [the mokney walks jumps on Jindraike's back and his face is covered with mashed potatoes and gravy]
- Supt. Bobby 'Crazy Legs' Knebworth: This place is nuts.
- Principal Jindraike: Crazy Legs! Wait!
- [Crazy Legs leaves the school and the monkey continues jumping on Jindraike's back]
- Principal Jindraike: Here they come. With their pimples and their braces, and their rickets, and their lice. Their snot-nosed, baggy-pantsed, high-pitched, squealing voices. And yet, each one a rung on the ladder of my success. A ladder that ends in a vast neon sign that stretches across the night sky.