The Days of Our Years

This is one of two train safety films produced by Union Pacific (the other being Last Clear Chance). Ostensibly a primer on the finer points of safety while working on the railroad, it is really more of a subtle propaganda piece. If you suffer an accident as a Union Pacific employee, you are the same kind of idiot as the characters in this short. Further, since the narration is provided by a reverend from the First Church of Union Pacific, your accidents are also evidence of your moral failings.

To drive these points home, we're shown three accidents:

Accident #1: Joe Provides His Own Dead Man's Curve

Joe is in love with Helen. He works as an electrician; she slings hash at the local diner. Come 5 pm, some dark urge overtakes Joe, and his desire to be with Helen overwhelms every other thought, even his own instinct for self-preservation. He drives so recklessly trying to reach her that he ends up rolling his pickup truck right over his spinal column.

My questions start where the reverend's narration ends: Why was Joe driving like a maniac trying to reach a girl who isn't going anywhere? Does he drive like this at the end of every shift? If so, why haven't the guys riding in the back of his truck tactfully threatened to kill him if he doesn't knock it off? If not, why is he doing it today of all days? I'm convinced nothing more than Joe's own lack of impulse control is what did him in.

Accident #2: Dead Man Without a Switch

George and Fred, longtime railroad men, are looking forward to their twilight years. Alas, one day, George's diet of whole milk, fried chicken, and Twinkies catches up with him and he suffers a massive heart attack while guiding a locomotive engine. Alone at the controls, he is unable to keep the engine from smashing into the boxcar on which Fred is standing. Fred tumbles to a gruesome demise on the tracks below, possibly beneath the very steel wheels that propel George's twitching body into early retirement.

George now spends his days sulking in a chair. Faced with the choice of losing some weight and getting some exercise, or waiting for that second heart attack to come finish him off, he seems to have opted for the latter.

Of all the accidents presented, this is the one that actually seems somewhat likely. As such, it is also the one that really tests the reverend's assertion that Union Pacific does everything in its power to prevent accidents. There is no dead man's switch in the locomotive, and there is no one there to take the controls once George keels over. Fred is on top of that boxcar with no safety harness. There's gotta be a lawsuit in there somewhere.

Accident #3: Never Light a Cigar with a Welding Torch

Charlie is about to be a new father. As was done in those days, he drops his wife off at the hospital to handle the breathing and pushing and screaming while he goes to work in the machine shop, cigars in hand. The blessed moment arrives and Charlie immediately makes the rounds of his co-workers, including the welder. Excitement trumps common sense as Charlie barrels into his fire-wielding friend, taking (and taking and taking...) a torch to the face and suffering a case of eyeball brulee that leaves him blind.

Seriously, you want to talk workplace safety? Talk about cost- cutting that leads to faulty equipment and unsafe conditions. Talk about workers who take sloppy shortcuts because they're doing something they've done a million times already. Trying to enjoy your life probably won't turn you into a blithering idiot on the job.

Watch this in its original form and you'll feel condescended to; watch the MST3k version and you'll have a blast.

"The Day of Our Years" is an educational instruction film from the mid-50s made by Union Pacific. It's a classic in Union Pacific vaults but viewed as too corny by the average person. So, pretty soon it made it's way to Comedy Central's "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and is probably one of the funniest MST shorts. The film focuses on a Reverend better known to Tom Servo as "America's Favorite Decan of Death" who tells us three stories about death, accidents, and misfortune. The first story is about Joe. Joe likes to rush. So rushing his way home one day, he and two of his fellow workers. This particular story contains some of Mike and the bots' funniest commentary such as when Joe is on the road and while the Reverend is telling his story Crow blurts out (while we look at a close-up of Joe) "Out of my head, Reverend!" or the scene where Joe is seen in a neck-brace and Tom comments "Do you take this bionic man?" The next tale is of George. George is a crazy old guy (ya gotta love him) who's planning his retirement with his wife. One bright, sunny, cheerful, day George doesn't feel good. Could it be last night's Mexican dinner? Anyway, he ends up killing his neighbor in a (train?) crash. Ever since then George never moves from his chair, and closes the shade on everything while saying "BOOOORINGGGGGG!" The third and final story is about a man who has been blinded by a blow torch and gives his baby a train instead of his bottle. This particular MST short made my brother and I fall on the floor laughing at the commentary. I highly recommend MST version of this one (which, I think is now on videotape or DVD).

I love this short, it is so depressing and MST are soooo mean with it and everyone involved. Where the heck does religion play into train safety? Who cares, it's a lot of fun. Earl Warren narrates here about members of his congregation who are train people and hate safety, and how these people will go to hell since they are accident prone.

This is done by the same people who sponsored Last Clear Chance, another classic from Union Pacific, that one involved the police captain from Adam-12. I don't remember Earl Warren being in any other production except supreme court judge. He was a bit pasty which made him perfect for the role. It was law that you could not be tan in the 50's.

should always adhere to the rule "Don't bore the audience!" This one violates that precept but, even worse, milks it for all the maudlin whining it can get.

This is sad, because there is a good, solid message in a film like this, which is that when we violate the rules we can involve ourselves in a serious accident and, in so doing, affect those people around us as well.

But when a film like this tries to drag-out its plot like an afternoon soap opera, people will pay less attention to it. And THAT is the real tragedy in a film like this.

Let's get married by the Earl Warren clone! Mercifully short, this film may be only 20 minutes long, but it feels like several hours. Union Pacific railroad, who also gave us "Last Clear Chance" did this disaster of a film. Pretty bad acting and narrating shoot this one down.