Chyler Leigh: Janey Briggs

Not Another Teen Movie

Janey Briggs

Jake: Hey Janey. What's up?
Janey: Excuse me?
Jake: So listen, you ever wondered what it'd be like to be the most popular girl in school?
Janey: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals?
Jake: Uhhh ha ha... exactly. So, if you're interested, I thought that maybe we could go out sometime, be seen in public together.
Janey: You haven't spoken to me in, like, four years Jake.
Jake: Actually, it's more like six, because the time you're referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you.

Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.

Janey: [talking about her dead mom] I remember it like it was yesterday, Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the Zippo factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for "My Left Foot", and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls.
Jake: I remember those. Push her belly and she'd piss all over herself.
Janey: She said she was going out to get my Dad a bottle of gin, but, I knew she was going to get me that present. It was raining really hard that night, the roads were... slippery.
Jake: Janey... a car accident.
Janey: No. Cancer.

Ricky Lipman: Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ricky!
Janey Briggs: Hey Ricky, what'd you do this weekend?
Ricky Lipman: Well, Friday night I stood outside your window - in the pouring rain - screaming your name for several hours. And then I spent all of Saturday and Sunday making you this great "Janey I've Been Desperately Trying To Tell You That I Am Madly In Love With You" ummmm... Mix Tape for your birthday.
Janey Briggs: A mix tape? Awwwww that's so sweet Ricky. See you in English.

Janey: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie.
Jake: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind?
Airline Clerk: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.

Flight attendant: OH GOD! Ugh! I can't believe you fell for that crap! That's from 'Pretty In Pink!'
Janey: Are you sure?
Flight attendant: Trust me!
Jake: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Flight attendant: Let me give you a little piece of advice here, Jake. Why don't you lose the "I'm the cute and sensitive, popular boy with the big side-burns routine. It's just too pathetic! And for once tell Janey what's true in your heart. Stop being such a little bitch! And you Janey! Little miss other-side-of-the-tracks awkward rebel girl with the pseudo-intellectual glasses, why don't you wise-up to Jake's bullshit! Stop being such a dumbass!

Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey Briggs: Why, do you have a job interview today, Daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I-I'll probably just be way too drunk.
Janey Briggs: Oh, that's good. We don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey Briggs: Okay. Bye, Daddy.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkinhead.

Janey: [Talking about after her mom's death] It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities. Cooking... cleaning... breast feeding Mitch.

Priscilla: Think you'II be prom queen? WeII, think again, Janey. You put the ass in embarrassment. The boo in taboo. And the suck in Iiposuction.
Janey: Is that the best you can do?
Priscilla: No. You aIso put the brat in bratwurst. And the eew in jujitsu. And the ism in, This is aII just a defense mechanism.

Priscilla: [at pool party] What the hell are you doing here?
Janey Briggs: I... I was invited.
Priscilla: Look, you may have lost those glasses and that ponytail thing you do... but to everyone that matters, you're still a loser.

[In an Alternated Ending]
Janey Briggs: Jake?
Jake: Janey, thank God I got to you in time.
Jake: Listen, I'm not gonna let you get on that plane and go to Paris.
Janey Briggs: Why not?
Janey Briggs, Jake: [Jake thinks of something to say to Janey]
Janey Briggs: Is there something you want to say?
Jake: Yes, Janey, there is. Listen, I made that bet before I knew you. Before I really knew me.
Janey Briggs: Wait a second, that sounds a lot like a line from She's All That. I masturbate to that movie.
[Jake thinks of something else to say to Janey]
Jake: Janey, you told me you couldn't believe in someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. I always believed in you.
Janey Briggs: Jake, you don't need to use some sappy line from a movie to tell me how you feel. Just say what's in your heart.
Jake: You're right.
Jake: Janey, you complete me.
Janey Briggs: Oh Jake, you had me at "Janey, thank God I got to you in time. Listen, I'm not gonna let you get on that plane and go to Paris."

Jake Wyler: So listen, you ever wonder what it would be like to be the most popular girl in school?
Janey Briggs: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals?
Jake Wyler: [chuckles] ... Exactly.