Ryan Reynolds credited as playing...
Van Wilder
- Van Wilder: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
- Van Wilder: Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be.
- Gwen: And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?
- Van Wilder: This would be a first.
- Gwen: Why do I find that hard to believe?
- Van Wilder: I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.
- Van Wilder: It's a date.
- Gwen: It's an interview, not a date.
- Van Wilder: Gwen, first dates are interviews.
- Van Wilder: What is wrong with people today?
- Hutch: [taking a hit from a bong] It's the internet dude, it fries their brain cells.
- Van Wilder: Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.
- McDoogle: I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
- Van Wilder: That's why you and I had friction? God, I always thought it was 'cause, 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
- McDoogle: Why, what... You fooled around with my daughter?
- Van Wilder: What?
- Van Wilder: [speaking about Gwen's boyfriend Richard] I'll bet he's a tighty whitey guy.
- Gwen: Excuse me?
- Van Wilder: White, elastic band, constricting. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. Like you - granny panties I bet.
- Gwen: Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
- Van Wilder: Mmmm, no.
- Van Wilder: [sighs]
- Van Wilder: I just wanted the visual.
- Van Wilder: [while standing pantless next to the freshman] But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.
- Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen.
- Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.
- Van Wilder: All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down. Look at me. No cock pump.
- Taj: No cock pump. Barry White.
- Van Wilder: Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK!
- [under his breath]
- Van Wilder: Not that you had to.
- Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
- Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
- [looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
- Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.
- Richard: Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. He's in his, what? sixth year?
- Van Wilder: Actually, its lucky number seven.